oh my mistake, i forgot.
Issue: 12
THE ASLIK, PHLEG AND DRIPIK TIFF TRIANGLE
Aslik, an accomplished glukkon running his own transportation hub for the Magog Cartel. Also a self-centred, aristocratic, egotistical smug git. Dripik, a brave and capable glukkon managing his own Slig Barracks. Also a forgetful, not-too-bright bufoon. Phleg, a straight-talking, level-headed glukkon directing his own Bonewerkz mill. Also a hatred fuelled stressed ticking time bomb of angst that just about keeps himself from chewing the heads off everyone who opposes him long enough to hold a board meeting.
Our source (who cannot be named for their own safety) tells us that these three glukkons have been nagging at each other since this succession of events at all three organisations about keeping on top of things.
Vice president Aslik made this public statement yesterday;
"We at FeeCo Depot would like to apolagise to all the industries affected by these sudden turn of events, for any inconvenience caused. The rail line that was damaged in the crash will likely be fixed in the next day or so. We are continuing our duty as normal, and this shouldnt effect any other industries apart from those on the receiving end of the damaged line. Thats all I have to say, thank you."
Director Phleg has been bugging vice president Aslik over the phone due to his lack of bone delivery to his mill thanks to Aslik's fumbling staff rules, and Aslik has gone to desperate measures to divert all calls from Bonewerkz to one of his advisor glukkons.
Director Phleg, despite all the trouble he and his business is having, has actually donated some of his hard earned (and much needed) moolah to FeeCo Depot in an effort to speed up the process of fixing the major line connecting Bonewerkz to FeeCo Depot.
General Dripik has had a bit of a fiasco with Slig Barracks recently where he enjoyed an uprisong from the mudokons. Apparently the uprising was true, but rumours spiralled out of control when a number of people reported to M.O.M. News that mudokons had apparently taken over Slig Barracks.
Rumor Kontrol recently dismissed this as myth and says that everything at Slig Barracks is under very strict control and that there is no need to worry. They also warned anyone looking to stir up trouble that they will be severely reprimanded for 'aiding mudokon terrorism'.
MAG: You dont mess with Rumor Kontrol.
General Dripik did not wish to be interviewed at this time, but a slig captain informed us that they have upped security at Slig Barracks incase the mudokons 'get any ideas'.
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Hear: slurgs pop under feet!
Feel: the gentle caress of multiple fleech tongues!
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TEL:
0600 963 229
(1 moolah per min).
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M.O.M – News you cannot refuse – By the Scrabtrapman
ISSUE5: RUMOURS ANNOUNCED!
Dripik issued M.O.M a private talk today to announce that Slig Barracks was never assaulted, however, the terrorist group now formerly known as MRS (mudokon rebellion squad) has assaulted various strategic choke points around Mudos, Dripik told us “I err… know for certain that those f***ing mud scum have not assaulted my beautiful barracks, I am sending in big bros to kill anyone who dares get in my metaphorical way”! What a moron huh.
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MAD BUT TRUE ANIMALS!
1.) We put down a slog in Soulstorm Brewery today. When it was shot in the head it let out a sort of growl, and I'm telling you it sounded like 'goodbye'!
MAG: Whoa, that's strange!
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(2 moolah per min).
Brought to you by Rupture Farms.
-ADVERT FINISH-
Words With Kroloff
YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!
Aaer: Hello, I need to get a Mudokon to scratch my back. How can I make sure he doesn't whack me on the back of my head while my back is turned? I got this really, really bad itch that needs a-scratchin!
Kroloff: Well, when ever I get some bad itch on the part of your back that you cant reach, I just rub my back against the wall, or if your outside, a tree or post.
But if you gotta get a mud to do it, even though I would advise against it, I'd say clobber him before hand so he knows your serious, or get one of your mates to watch your back as he does the job.
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RUBBISH JOKES!
1.) What do you get if you mix a flying slig with a recycler?
A: A chopper!
By: Kali
2.) Whats the difference between a slurg and a mudokon?
A: One is useful and one aint! I'll let you work out which is which.
By: Crunch.
3.) What's stupid, stinks and doesn't taste too good?
A: Not an elum, a gluk!
By: Wellin
THIS ISSUES WINNER IS: Kali, with that smart-ass joke. We're sending 50 moolah off to you.
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COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S
> Watchyerstep
-Have you been injured at work? Has another Slig's bad work behaviour resulted in you losing an arm or a leg? We can help! Watchyerstep is an amazing new law firm that will do all of the legal work. We do not ask for an upfront payment and you will recieve 100% of the compensation! Call us now!
09191 104040 203040
(Calls cost 2 moolah per min)
> Flight suit wanted rid of. 16 years old, just about had it. Good metal though. 50 moolah.
TEL: 0182 659 002
> Barn needs mucking out at a large meep ranch west of Rupture Farms, near the west side of the Free-fire zone. 250 moolah once the jobs done. About 2 days work if you have a small digger, otherwise it;ll take yoou about a week. Phone our associate at Rupture Farms for more details.
TEL: 0182 262 369 ask for Dollen.
(2 moolah per min).
MAG: Dont miss the next issue where we interview Ulric, the alpha leader of Silpher and his pack!
SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:
Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix
"No news is good news. I'm afraid I cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.
If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!
Thanks for reading!
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credit goes to Scrabtrapman for providing the M.O.M. News report, also to AlexFili for the Words With Kroloff question and the 'Watch yer step' ad.
Thanks people, and dont forget to PM me your contribution!
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