it seems that making an interview with one of your characters and putting it here is a good way to advertise your story, like a taster.
Issue: 11
VICE PRESIDENT ASLIK BETRAYS HARD WORKING SLIGS!
Vice president Aslik has condemned the surviving slig train driver to death due to HIS OWN mistakes!
The following information was obtained from a reliable source at FeeCo Depot;
The surviving slig train driver, who we now know is named Tholl, was pulled from his train cabin in the early hours of this morning by Aslik's cronie sligs and replaced by a younger slig driver.
He had just finished unloading cargo from his train at FeeCo Depot and was about to continue to Slig Barracks, when he was pulled from his cabin as he was opening the door by a group of around 4 sligs. They ushered a younger slig train driver into the cabin and brutally knocked out Tholl with a truncheon.
He was dragged to FeeCo Depot detention centre and is currently counting the seconds left of his life before he is sent to Skillya. And this is all because Tholl crashed a train after working 7 days a week with less than 6 hours sleep a night.
Vice president Aslik doesnt deserve the title 'president', he should have seen this coming. If we at SLIG'S WEIRD! were able to predict this happening then I'm sure that a glukkon who actually runs a transportation hub for the Magog Cartel himself should have seen the error of his ways and corrected them.
We were not able to interview Tholl as we were not allowed on FeeCo Depot premises.
MAG: Must have known we wouldnt like it, along with many other sligs working for FeeCo Depot I'm sure.
Hard working sligs of Mudos, join together in union now and protest in any way possible to stop this injustice! A slig's life is at stake! Send us your views and opinions to show these glukkons of major corporations that WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND!
We are going to pursue this story to the end.
-ADVERT-
Super Oil!
For those sligs that care enough about their flight suits to make them last that little bit longer.
100 moolah per gallon!
BUY 10 GALLONS AND GET A Super Oil! TANK FOR FREE!
For orders or more details TEL:
0679 333 333
(2 moolah per min).
-ADVERT FINISH-
M.O.M – News you cannot refuse – By the Scrabtrapman
ISSUE4: SLIG BARRACKS FALL!
Yesterday a group of mudokons around 200, fresh from the mudokon uprising barracks, Slig’s took heavy resistance and each platform was fought for inch by bloody inch, the mudarchers kept coming in great swathes while tomahawkers battered the poppers in front, Aslik took a ball car outta there just as the muds found the boiler room, lucky they didn’t no how to operate the boilers, ha stupid little muds, however now they have taken the entire barracks and are raising the labour eggs, apparently the next stop is Maggie the glukkon queen!
MAG: That is some big news. Damn M.O.M. for finding it first.
Our side story today is about a meech that was found in the very back pen of Rupture farms, it was found with a litter of dead meech’s which leads M.O.M to believe that somewhere there is a male meech ready for breeding woop woop!
-----
MAD BUT TRUE ANIMALS!
1.) Today I was patrolling the border of Soulstorm Mining Co, the part opposite to Necrum where there's just endless desert. Anyway I looked up at the train track and I saw this green thing. It started moving and I realised it was a paramite! It was making a bloody web! Well I was watching it when I heard a train coming, and saw the train's wheels run over the track exactly where the paramite was. Once all the train had passed, it crawled down one of the track poles onto the floor, and ran out into the desert! How did it survive and what was it doing in the desert?!
MAG: Weird!
-ADVERT-
IRON BULLETS
Made from compacted and reinforced iron, with a razor sharp point guaranteed to pass clean through iron plating, whether it be armour or shelter.
30 moolah per box of 35 iron bullets.
Iron bullet pistol 500 moolah.
First 500 orders receive prototype iron bullet pistol FREE!
Phone us to order the ammunition
0908 723 221
(1 moolah per min).
You can depend on the proficiency of Vykkers Labs products!
The bullets that are as hard as iron, and can pierce it!
-ADVERT FINISH-
Words With Kroloff
YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!
Rawley: Hi, I need to get rid of my Slog, but I don't want to hurt it or anything. What's the best way of giving it to another Slig without fuss?
Kroloff: Well I'm no expert in being suttle, but I would advise you to make an advert for the slog clearly stating 'to a good home only', and also add that you will inspect the purchaser's premises personally to ensure good intentions. That should deter any cruel or otherwise unnecessary people.
If you dont want that kind of fuss, like you stated, then I would personally give the slog to a friend who you know will look after it, or ask them if they know anyone who may be interested.
-----
RUBBISH JOKES!
1.) Why did the fuzzle cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!
By: Forse
2.) What sor tof clothing does a pet slog wear?
A: A PETticoat!
By: Dost
3.) What do you get if you cross a stingbee with a door bell?
A: A humdinger!
By: Collu
THIS ISSUES WINNER IS: Collu, with that joke that was a little bit better than the other jokes, i spose. Well done anyway, 50 moolah is looking for you!
-----
COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S
> Tamed paramite for sale to a good home. Owner died, not through paramite. 50 moolah.
TEL: 0182 566 907
> Got a itchy trigger finger? Help my rookie bunkmate learn how to shoot straight and I'll give you 100 moolah! Write to; Happy Farms Ltd, 30th Bunk.
> Wanted: Sligs and mudokons to work for a short while as ejector seat testers. Reasonable pay. Involves a small amount of travelling.
TEL: 0199 717 547
SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:
Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix
"No news is good news. I'm afraid I cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.
If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!
Thanks for reading!
-----
credit goes to Scrabtrapman for supplying M.O.M. News report, to AlexFili for adding the Words With Kroloff question and 'itchy trigger finger' ad, and also to Splat for providing the 'ejector seat testers' ad. Cheers people!
for the record, i am really stuck for jokes at the moment, the jokes i put in this issue were from a website, i converted them to Oddworld style.
|