[MA]

Issue: 10

FeeCo Depot CRASH!

Well its happened. A major train crash has occurred on the line connecting FeeCo Depot to Bonewerkz. This will majorly effect Bonewerkz profits seeing as the track suspending the monstrous trains has been mangled in the wreckage.

One of our reporters arrived at the scene to see flying sligs lumbering lengths of twisted metal from the two trains in a effort to reveal the damage done to the track, so that a flying slig engineer could attempt to fix it.

The trains themselves have been made totally unrepairable from the impact, as they were travelling at amazing speeds, and are in the process of being removed from the track. We asked a junior glukkon from FeeCo Depot who was overseeing the chaos for a few words;

"This is a tragedy. We dont know how this has come about. We are so careful with our times and drivers, hence the motto 'The trains will run on time'."

REPORTER: "But in one of our last issues we found out that you are forcing your drivers to work incredible shifts without break and only 6 hours sleep. Shouldnt you only have yourselves to blame?"

"What?! Where did you get that information? What we do with our employee's is our business only, not yours. It is only the fault of the drivers at hand. They should have been paying attention, and if they cant hack it, they should bugger off and do something easier."

REPORTER: "Have there been any fatalites?"

"Yes. The slig driving one of the trains died on impact, and we assume he didnt have time to stop. He was literally crushed to death between two sheets of iron as the two trains collided. Thats what our flying sligs said, anyway."

REPORTER: "What about the other slig?"

"He was the bloody one that was asleep at the controls! He should have been the one that got killed. Ironic really. This is one of the few train lines that is actually used by trians going in opposite directions. The slig that survived must have overslept before hand and therefore travelled down the track later than normal, meaning that the other train joined the same line at the right time, but had a head on collision thanks to the previous slig's inability to get up on time."

REPORTER: "Do you have anything to say to director Phleg about this fiasco and how it will effect his work?"

"All I can say on behalf of vice president Aslik is that we deeply apolagise and will have this track cleared for trade as soon as possible."

We also asked the surviving train driver for his feelings;

"I cant f*cking believe it! I could lose my job over this! Why am I so stupid!! I should have woken up when my alarm went off. I'm sorry, I need a cigarette."

We couldnt lure vice president Aslik out of his office, but we managed to get a few words from director Phleg;

"This is unbelievable! Did you hear me?! UNBELIEVABLE!! I cant believe this sh*t! I tell you somethin', that scrawny b*stard Asswipe is gonna get an earfull from me. Him and his ridiculous working hours. I read the article in your magazine and it made think that he should change the bloody rules before something like this happens again and causes another train crash, making businesses like mine suffer! Hurgh!!"

Sleep deprivation and industrial train driving do not mix. Hopefully Aslik will have some sense about him and make the hours more 'humane'.

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MAD BUT TRUE ANIMALS!

1.) I have a pet paramite and he does this weird thing to me everyday. When i wake up i've been wrapped up in this webbing that keeps me quite cool. Its a bit of a nuisance and he does it every night while i'm asleep. It starting to get annoying now though, because it gets wrapped around my legs.

MAG: I wouldnt let him do that if I was you. You might not ever wake up.

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INTERVIEW TIME!

Welcome back! Today I'm returning to talk to one of our most recent guests, Silpher. His group of thirteen hybrids are roaming the land and learning about nature! The males are; Silpher, Ulric, Lorn, Karn, Dogol, Hemm and Bron. The females are; Inna, Tulia, Riley, Bitsy and Lara.

Interviewer: Welcome back Mr.Silpher, how are you?

Silpher: Not too bad today, I've got a bit of a scratch from a Scrab, but it doesn't hurt too much.

I: You have first-aid materials.

S: (nods) Yes, we have quite a few packs from scavenging, but we mainly rely on herbal remedies.

I: You have some healers in your pack?

S: Yes (smiles), Bitsy is the one.

I: Do you have a particular female in mind?

S: Yes (closes eyes and smiles), Tulia is very close to me.

I: I see.

Be sure to read next week's issue when we talk with Ulric, the pack Alpha!

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Words With Kroloff

YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!

Robbo: My gun keeps jamming, any advice?

Kroloff: Well when guns jam its usually caused by heat and the expanding of the metal. Try not to fire too many shots in succession, or wipe the mechanisms on show with a wet cloth. Many decent guns nowadays have a cooling system built into them, so it may be time to buy a new one. I assume you are using an old model or a Slig Barracks standard issue slig rifle.

Also, make sure you take apart and clean your gun at least once a week, because the jamming may be caused by stuff like sand getting clogged inside the mechanisms. Good luck.

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RUBBISH JOKES!

1.) Whats the deadliest dancer on Oddworld?
A: A scrab!
By: Jozzi

2.) How do you disable a fleech?
A: Tell it a tongue-twister!
By: Dost

3.) Whats more of a moolah-grabber than a glukkon?
A: A chronicler!
By: Side

MAG: You should have seen Sphenixson's face when he read that.

THIS ISSUES WINNER IS: Dost with that nifty joke. Well done, 50 moolah is on its way to your wallet!

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COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:

> Broken mine cart, good strong metal. 100 moolah.
TEL: 0182 777 454

> Wanted: 5000 Moolah reward for anyone who can give me contact details for any of those DFW gtrz!
TEL: 0821 634 902, ask for Grace.

> 3 reliable rifles for sale. Previous owner slig from Slig Barracks, so good condition. 250 moolah for all 3. Bargain.
TEL: 0182 888 768

SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid I cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

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credit goes to AlexFili for supplying the interview and the Words With Kroloff question. Also credit goes to Splat for providing the 'DFW contact details' ad.

dont forget to chip in people!