thats actually a good idea, i could do that near the end of the series.
Issue: 9
OVERRUN AT SCRAB-O-RAMA!
Well a new side show incorporated with Soulstorm Mining Co has been discovered at the dismay of Soulstorm Mining Co managers. They were intending to reveal its existance once Soulstorm Mining Co were fully fledged and were out of the danger zone, but an overrun of animals there has attracted attention, therefore ruining the 'surprise' for those people interested.
The fairly new Scrab-o-rama! is in danger of being overwhelmed by fleeches. The fleeches are being bred to create soft, multiple fleech tongues, and are fed the left overs of dead mudokons that the scrabs kill and eat.
The fleeches are killed before they grow too large but there numbers are great and are still rising. It has got to the point where sligs and slogs cannot be sent in to cull a number of them as the brave employees are eaten alive.
We asked the glukkon manager of Scrab-o-rama! what his feelings were;
"Its turning into a real nightmare. We simply cant afford to risk any more employees in there, mudokons as well! The only option thats increasingly growing more likely is to let a few scrabs in there with 'em, and see if they can kill a few. They'll probably end up eaten eventually, and it doesnt matter if all the fleeches are killed, I mean they're in abundance in Necrum, but the scrabs are difficult to get hold of for us. We only have a small workforce, well, even smaller now. Thats the future plan anyway, so you can see our predicament."
REPORTER: "But your in association with Soulstorm Mining Co aren't you? Couldnt they do something to help?"
"Oh no, not with this recent uproar with the D.W. League or whatever they're called. I spose the only option is to lock 'em up and starve them. I just hope that league doesnt find out. I'll pay you not to print the last bit."
REPORTER: "I'm sorry, we dont accept bribes. But you dont need to worry, the D -"
"Then I'm gonna have to ask you to get the hell off my property."
Our reporter was ushered off Scrab-o-rama! premises by the remaining slig guards.
MAG: I think the D.F.W. League has bitten off more than they can chew to bother with Scrab-o-rama! as well.
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-ADVERT FINISH-
MAD BUT TRUE ANIMALS!
1.) Once, one of my fleeches grabbed a fly with its tongue, but another fleech wrapped its tongue around the same fly. I watched as the bigger fleech just pulled the other fleech into its mouth and ate it! I didnt know fleeches ate each other!
MAG: I've never seen that.
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Dont ask how we got our hands on this little gem, Stevix wont tell anyone, just read and enjoy. It is all true.
Great Big Glukkon Blunders
Things Rumor Kontrol keeps to themselves
By 'Yolk'
A year back I was working at a tiny factory in the middle of nowhere and found out about a certain event that's definitely off of the official factory records.
About a year after opening then, there was a mass breakout of animals in the stockyards, mostly paramites. They don't exactly know how this happened but it was probably done by a mud employee. So all these paramites got free and started looking for an exit.
All the sligs grabbed their guns and started trying to round them up before they did too much damage, but the place was in pandemonium, totally out of control, and the shooting and grenades just frightened the animals even more and sent them even wilder!
As if that wasn't enough, the dumb gluk in charge ordered sligs to give weapons to the muds in the stockyards to help them quell the trouble. Well, lets say it didn't exactly pan out that way!
With muds joining the revolt and a danger to the factory itself, the glukkons were forced to open the factory gates and watch all of their stock run away. Any dead paramites left lying around they couldn't get into storage in time to save the meat, because most of the muds ran off as well.
In the end the factory lost thousands of moolah in lost meat. Nine muds escaped, which was a big problem for the tiny lab; those nine were more than two thirds of the whole work force! And three sligs died; again, a huge chunk out of the total number there. The losses very nearly killed the factory. With no meat for their best selling products and almost no staff, they barely managed to pull themselves out of the gutters again.
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-ADVERT FINISH-
Words With Kroloff
YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!
Anonymous: Hello there Kroloff. Listen, me and my pals were thinking of hunting some paramites in a local wood, but we're not sure what weapons we should use and how to track them, they're quick little buggers. Any suggestions?
Kroloff: Well I can say that you will obviously need a rifle, but not if they come at you. If they attack you, you should use some sort of blade like a knife or saber, its a hell of a lot easier than trying to aim a ruddy great rifle at them while they're ripping your throat out.
Also, read up on the book 'Hunting Tips for Paramonian Scout Team Leaders Part 2' by Drothy the slig. Its better than part 1 because it skips all the obvious necessities and gets straight to the point. Very easy to read, unlike those Vykker 'Surgery For Sligs' books, they're about as understandable as someone sitting on an active mine.
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RUBBISH JOKES!
1.) There's a fleech and a fuzzle in a microwave. The fuzzle says to the fleech, "It's very hot in here, isn't it?"
And the fleech says, "Blimey, a talking fuzzle!"
By: Chakke.
2.) Why do Stingbees hum?
A: Because they dont know the words!
By: Hone.
3.) What slog keeps the best time?
A: A watch-slog!
By: Karry.
THIS ISSUES WINNER IS: Chakke with that golden oldie. Well done, 50 moolah in the post!
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COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:
> Need Slig pants? I've just found a massive pile of free pants that are just lying around waiting around for people to pick them up. Come to Bright Farms Co. If you want them.
> 2 slogs up for adoption. Cant look after them due to rising paperwork. Good homes only. Cant be seperated. 100 moolah for both.
TEL: 0182 209 007
> Old pair of slig legs for sale, 6 years old. 25 moolah.
TEL: 0182 743 986
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BIRTHDAY WISHES!
All the team at SLIG'S WEIRD! would like to wish our boss, Stevix, a happy birthday today, and want to thank him for keeping this new starting magazine afloat. He is a pretty good manager, even if he does wear a green suit. Also thanks go to his PA slig that types up everything Stevix wants printing, but doesnt want his name shown in the staff list. Quite a modest chap. From everyone at SLIG'S WEIRD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
MAG: HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD CODGER!
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COMPLAINTS.
And now as we reach the end of the magazine, we come to the complaints any of you readers have sent in.
Crunch: okay, i'm a bit p*ssed off about what you said about my joke in the last issue. It was a joke, dont take things too seriously. Jeez.
I'm sorry but it was totally uncalled for. 16 good sligs died at Magog Motors and you decide to take a cheap shot at them. You should be ashamed of yourself. We will contact Rumor Kontrol if you post us any more offensive jokes that are at a dead slig's expense.
SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:
Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix
"No news is good news. I'm afraid I cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.
If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!
Thanks for reading!
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credit goes to Splat for supplying the 'Great Big Glukkon Blunders' article and joke No: 1. Credit also goes to AlexFili for the 'Need slig pants?' Ad.
thank you people!
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