[MA]

thanks for those Oddey! keep 'em coming.

Issue: 8

D.F.W. League claim Necrum!

The D.F.W. League are complaining at Soulstorm Mining Co that they are infringing on their territory in Necrum, even though they will not give out details of their exact location.

Soulstorm Mining Co are not backing down and say that they have already settled their boundaries when they first set up, and were not told of any business residing in the Necrum jungle. We asked the manager of Soulstorm Mining Co for his feelings;

"Its absolutely outrageous! We were never told of the D.F.W. Leagues position, therefore they will have to move or just put up with it! Especially since we've only just bloody started up, we dont need this! I am positively seething! Its just one thing after another! Do you know where they are?"

REPORTER: "Necrum, but no more than that."

"Then your just as dumb-founded as the rest of us. If they carry on complaining I'm gonna sue their pathetic little company for every piece of moolah they've got! And I wont give in until there's only ruins left! The ball is in their court now."

We couldnt interview anyone from the D.F.W. League because we simply couldnt find them.

MAG: See, Stevix predicted they would start trouble with new businesses.

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M.O.M – News you cannot refuse – By the Scrabtrapman

ISSUE3: MYKE’S THE VYK CREATES NEW GUNNER

Myk one of the junior Vykers has just stumbled over a fantastic new weapon to fight the uprisings, shock rocker! The shock rocker is a small pistol like weapon that, when fired, releases a 40ft by 40ft net, once the net touches the floor it channels all natural electricities from the ground and fries anything inside with 120,000 volts! Myk said this “When I tired the fuzzles little eyes literally blew out of there heads, what a mess, I was scrapping up bits of flesh for days”! M.O.M says that’s disgusting!

Mudos Mill Meat Plant or (MMMP) as it is now known is now the third largest meat plant on the entirety of Oddworld the glukkon responsible is none other than a chump named Murg, he has sent us a telegram saying this “I set up this little factory from an old mudokon mill, the Mudokons are happy to work for me and I don’t even have to pay them moolah! Just a bottle of Soulstorm MicroBrew a day!

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MAD BUT TRUE ANIMALS!

1.) I have been recently hired by a packaging plant that you may have seen advertising in one of your issues for a professional scrab hunter. Anyway, i am one so I applied. More to the point, yesterday I was attacked by a scrab on the factory's border. I dodged out of the way before it reached me and its beak got caught in the sandstone wall! I never knew that could happen! I used this time to kill it before it got loose again.

MAG: Pretty crazy!

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MAG: Readers, you'll be glad to know that this is the last advertisement you'll see from Slog Huts, the contract Stevix had with them has expired...at last.

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WIND 'EM UP, FUN!

That's right! WOOHOO! Its time for Wind 'em up, fun! The first in the history of SLIG'S WEIRD! where we wind up famous, rich and important people, and record their every word! Lets begin...

We decided to have a little fun with Brewmaster, and make out the reporter was stupid (when we managed to convince him to have an interview). Here's how it went;

REPORTER: "We would like to know your thoughts on the new industry Soulstorm Mining Co and how it will effect your business?"

"Well they will help Bonewerkz, definately, therefore help us. We have had our ups and downs with Bonewerkz before, but they -"

REPORTER: "Why were you on a roller coaster?"

"What?"

REPORTER: "You just said you were going up and down, did you have an irregular growth spurt or something?"

"What the hell are you babbling on about?!"

REPORTER: "Oh I get you now, you meant in terms of sales! Sorry, please continue."

(Clears throat) "We have had some ups and downs with them, but they have remained loyal, probably because they would have nowhere else to find business in bone powder anyway, but -"

REPORTER: "What do you mean 'business in bone powder'? Had a slog sh*t in it?"

"Are you simple?! And how dare you swear at me! I could have you down-sized quicker than you could say what you just said!"

REPORTER: "What? Slog sh*t?"

"Stop it!! Thats it! Interview terminated!"
Brewmaster begins to leave the room.
"I'm not talking to some stupid, foul-mouthed cretin -"

REPORTER: "Whats a cretin? Is it some sort of mollusc?"

Brewmaster begins to rant incoherently as he leaves the room.

REPORTER: "Brewmaster? BREWMASTER?"

"Stop shouting me! You, slig, get 'em outta here! NOW!"

We were then forcefully vacated from the premises.

MAG: Brewmaster is just a riot. I doubt he will have much to do with us now.

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Words With Kroloff

YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!

Anonymous: Hello Kroloff, have you ever had to shoot another slig as part of a firing squad? And if so, is there a technique?

Kroloff: Yes, 5 years ago I was stationed in Paramonia, and I was elected to be a member of the firing squad. I killed about 12 other fellow sligs in 2 years before I was transferred. Its pretty simple, just point and pull. Aim for the stomach rather than the head, your less likely to miss and if the rest of the firing squad does the same it will definately kill the accused. There's nothing worse than seeing another slig tied to a post, bleeding but not quite dead, believe me.

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RUBBISH JOKES!

1.) Where can you find a rabble of angry, blood thirst muds?
A: In Magog Motors!
By: Crunch.

MAG: We apolagise for this joke, it is uncalled for. Crunch thinks he is indestructable just because he knows Kroloff.

2.) What is a few fingers short of a Paramite Pie?
A: An injured paramite!
By: Heslof

3.) What has 16 fingers, 9 legs, 27 razor sharp teeth and a bad attitude?
A: I dunno but its just escaped from Vykkers Labs!
By: Dost.

MAG: Send that joke in one more time and I will send Font to your workplace for a word. It is not funny, not that it was in the first place.

THIS ISSUES WINNER IS: Heslof, by default, seeing as the other 2 jokes were in bad taste. Oh well, 50 moolah is yours!

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COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:

> Tired of your old Slig pants? Me too. Let's throw all our pants away and walk around like nature intended, nude! Join me for a mass pants burial at Bright Farms Co.

> 3 tons of rotten wood for sale. 150 moolah.
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> Flying sligs needed to guard detention centre for flying sligs in Soulstorm Brewery. Easy work. Full time. 60 moolah per day. Good referance available if you leave. Contract work, sign up for 2 years at a time. Free oil and petrol.
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SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid I cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

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credit goes to AlexFili for providing Bright Farms Co. ad. Credit goes to Scrabtrapman for providing the M.O.M. News report.

thanks folks!