[MA]

Issue: 6

FeeCo Depot ridiculous working hours

A reliable source has informed us of the phenomenally long hours of poor FeeCo Depot slig train drivers. The sligs are forced to pick up and drop off cargo at industries as far as Magog Motors!

They must drive through most of the night, and all day everyday. Its only a matter of time before there is a massive collision. We asked Vice President Aslik for a few words;

"I'm sorry? I dont think thats any of your business! Who are you again?"

REPORTER: "A reporter for SLIG'S WEIRD!"

"Slig's weird? Huh! You might be a good seller, but you haven't got class. The Daily Deception will always be above you. Now I've had enough of you, goodbye."

MAG: Smarmy git.

The sligs work, on average, 18 hours a day, from 6:00 am - midnight. They must eat their lunch whilst driving, and cannot leave the cabin uness they are unloading cargo or performing engineering tasks.

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-ADVERT FINISH-

WELCOME TO OUR NEW SECTION!

MAD BUT TRUE ANIMALS!

We have recently recieved a flood of letters containing crazy stories about animals that you, the readers, claim to have seen, heard of or experienced. Please feel free to let us know of your nutty stories about animals.

Also, we may get some 'exaggerated' stlories if you know what we mean, and our editor (Rozzle) will try to point these out (he is the one making the MAG: comments).

1.) I was overseeing mudokons loading meat into barrels in the packaging section of Rupture Farms when I saw something unbelievable. This one barrel just exploded, and a scrab came prancing out of it! It was one of the apparent empty barrels that some unfortunate mud was just about to load. Anyway, this scrab just ran up the gangway between the conveyor belts, stopped and just died on the spot! Crazy!

MAG: Our first entry.

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THE BLOODY D.F.W. LEAGUE

Well they have begun their, not reign of terror, but reign of annoyance. They stated today, via a NATIVE MUDOKON, that they have their eye on many businesses on Mudos and will stop at nothing to rectify injustices and animal cruelty.

MAG: Oooh, we're really scared.

How they can have the nerve to use a native mudokon as a spokesperson is beyond us. To be honest they should be ashamed of themselves, whoever they are.

The frustrating thing is we dont even know eho they are! Glukkons? Sligs? Vykkers? Chroniclers?! Hell, mudokons? Who knows, and like we said before, WHO CARES! If anyone working for the D.F.W. League is reading this in aticipation of seeing your little business statement in print, just pass the magazine to your superior and tell them to read this next bit.

WE DONT CARE! Do us a favour and shut down! Use what little moolah you have left to go on holiday to Paramonia where you'll hopefully be wrapped up and eaten alive by paramites.

And lets makes sure one thing is clear. We only print information about your corporation in the hope that some pyromaniac crazy will burn you down. Respected industries like Bonewerkz, Slig Barracks and Flub Fuels have been through enough strife without you on their back. Go away. You are not respected and never will be.

MAG: End of SLIG'S WEIRD! rant.

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Words With Kroloff

YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!

Anonymous: Hey Kroloff, I spent 2 years in Slig Barracks before i was transferred to this small brewery, so I wasnt taught any close quarters physical combat skills. Could you tell me a move or two? The mudokons where I work are quite rowdy so I need something to put them in their place without killing them.

Kroloff: Of course I will. I was taught this move 12 years ago by a friend the day before I was sent with a squad to recapture escaped prisoners from a detention centre local to Slig Barracks. The move isnt officially millitary, but hell it works! Let the target attempt to punch you, but grab the fist wth your fingers underneath theirs (thats quite tricky), twist using your whole arm, and quickly force the whole arm down hard, making the target elbow themselves in the stomach. Finish off by pushing the fist your holding into the targets face, the leverage of the arm is perfect for this. The target will be dazed, then do what you like to them!

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RUBBISH JOKES!

1.) How can you tell how clever a slig is?
A: Ask him how tall he is in feet and convert that number for his IQ!
By: Loddy.

MAG: I have a feeling that one was sent in by a mud.

2.) Why should you push over a Scrab when drunk?
A: They are armless!
By: Anonymous.

3.) What has 16 fingers, 9 legs, 27 razor sharp teeth and a bad attitude?
A: I dunno but its just escaped from Vykkers Labs!
By: Dost.

THIS ISSUES WINNER IS: The anonymous sender of the classic joke No: 2, but we have your work place address so expect your 50 moolah in the post!

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COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:

> Old pair of mechanical legs for sale, 6 years old. 25 moolah.
TEL: 0182 743 986

> SLOG TEAM WANTED for occasional search of sewer pipes at a detention centre just outside of Soulstorm Brewery for escaped inmates. Permanent job, but only get paid once you perform a search. 100 moolah per search.
TEL: 0182 322 456

> Wild scrab wanted to fight against slogs in a betting ring. The more vicious the better! Needs to be in good condition, strong and healthy. Will only give out location to serious enquiries. If we buy it, we guarantee a payment of 250 moolah.
TEL: 0182 541 888

MAG: If the D.F.W. League see's that they'll throw a hissy fit!

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WELL WISHES!

Hi, I would like to raise a glass to my pal, Barrow. He's a veteran Slig who just retired this week. He was an awesome captain and will be greatly missed in the barracks.

SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid I cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

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credit goes to AlexFili for providing the scrab joke and the well wishes request.