Issue: 4
RALL CONSPIRACY
We last heard if Rall when he had saved his bosses life from a savage scrab at a small slig guard tower. But we now hear of him because of a suspicious death that has taken place at the guard tower.
A young slig, who had been recently transferred to the tower and had been rising through the ranks with a clean record, was found dead in the weapon storeroom, sprawled over an ammunition crate. He was gripping the stock of a sniper rifle in his hand, the bullet having passed straight through his skull.
He was discovered by another slig who was entering the room to swap his rifle as it had jammed the day before. We asked him a few questions;
"I dont get it. He was a good slig, and he was smart, he'd know not to put his head over the muzzle whilst checking it."
REPORTER: "So you dont think its suicide?"
"No! Well i aint really thought about it, i spose that seems more...whats the word?"
REPORTER: "Logical?"
"Thats the one! Yeah, more logical, but it still doesnt make sense, i mean he wasnt depressed. What would he be depressed about? He was young, smarter than most sligs, rising through the ranks like hot sh*t, he had what most sligs want. But...actually, the more I talk about it, the more it sounds like murder? Oh...sh*t."
REPORTER: "Murder? By who?"
"I dunno, but i shouldnt say anything else or I might be next! Dont print my name."
REPORTER: "Whatever you say."
Vykkers Labs are investigating the death under demands (and moolah, of course) of Moziknoff the manager of the guard tower. We had a brief moment to interview Moziknoff in his office, seeing as Vykkers Labs forensics were already there when our reporter turned up to ask questions.
"This is very disturbing for me, as it could mean we have a cold-blooded, remorseless murderer in our midst, and this guard tower, like many guard towers, is a closely knit society. We need to root out and find this person, if it is a murder that is, and have them court-martialled and shot at dawn. I will not stnad for this. But as I have said before, it might not even be a murder scene. But moolah spent to investigate a possibility is moolah well spent in my opinion. Is that all?"
REPORTER: "Yes, thank you Moziknoff."
"Pleasure."
We had a word with Rall also, and what he said made us think of a possible conspiracy;
"Well its bad, but everyone dies eventually, and you could say i'm glad in a way 'cus I know he wont be takin' my position."
REPORTER: "But...a slig has died, possibly killed? Do you really care more about your own status?"
"Look, dont try and scrabsh*t me, i never killed him, and anyone that says i did is a liar."
REPORTER: "Who said you killed him?"
"No one! Look, your twistin' my words. I need to talk to the forensics so, to put it bluntly, p*ss off."
MAG: Sounds like a guilty conscience to me. Bagsy the Scrab Shooter!
Is Rall trying to keep his position intact? Is the conspiracy real? Time will tell, and if it is, he will have to answer to the firing squad.
-ADVERT-
BLITZ PACKER
3000 moolah
BE A BIG SLIG THAT EVERYONE WILL DIG!
Top of the weapon pile in the warehouse of super violence.
THE OBVIOUS CHOICE IN THE WORLD OF FIREPOWER
300 rounds per minute
Deposits possible
Now with cooling system to prevent overheating and jamming.
If full price paid in cash up front, you will receive a free scope attatchment.
Dont hang around with that crappy rifle! Get one NOW!
0182 732 739
(2 moolah per min).
-ADVERT FINISH-
INTERVIEW TIME!
We at SLIG'S WEIRD! have been able to get hold of another intersting slig, named Germ. We interviewed and printed, and we must say he was quite polite...
REPORTER: Hello and welcome, Germ. What is it like working so close to a Vykker constantly?
Germ: Well... It kind of makes you feel not so smart. It's an interesting job though. Not every slig gets to go so many places.
REPORTER: If you dont mind telling us, how much moolah do you earn a week?
Germ: It kind of varies. At Vykker's Labs where I would be working now, I haven't earnt anything yet, 'cause of an injury. At my old place, I got about... 60 moolah a week.
REPORTER: Is your working relationship good with your boss?
Germ: Must be... I did save his life once. Of course he did get me the new job.
REPORTER: Have you ever been in the position where you have had to defend your boss with your life?
Germ: You bet I have. There was this one time right, when this other guy was going to shoot him, but I jumped in front of him, stopped the bullet, and shot him. Let me tell you, it hurts way more than people say. The stuff that comes after even hurts more than people say.
REPORTER: Have you worked for any other boss other than your current one?
Germ: Yeah, at the job I used to have. He wasn't unlike your average gluk. Obsessed with money, looking good and having a big factory.
REPORTER: Do you have any tips for our readers in how to avoid incurring a Vykker's wrath?
Germ: Don't act smarter than them, don't make a descision before they do, and never mention something unhealthy.
REPORTER: Do you get out much in your line of work, or is it a desk or simple security job?
Germ: Yeah, I guess you could say that. At the moment, we're heading for New New Yolk City, for uhhh... Business issues. Before that, I only went around in a big circle, looking out for trouble. Not exactly fun.
REPORTER: And finally, do you actually enjoy working for your current boss? Leave no detail out.
Germ: Oh yeah. Nothing quite like an advent- I mean business thing, to spice up your life. Better than my old job anyway... And my old boss. My new one, Finklar, is a lot fairer when you get on his good side. He can be a bit bossy, but he is my boss so... Yeah I do enjoy my work.
REPORTER: Thank you Germ.
Germ: Anytime!
Reporter and Germ shake hands.
-----
Words With Kroloff
YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!
Anonymous: Dear Kroloff, I was wondering about buying the new Scrab Shooter but I dont want to fork out the moolah for it and find out its crap. I'd like to hear your professional opinion.
Kroloff: I'm afraid I haven't used the Scrab Shooter yet. Many Vykker products are fine, but there's always room for error. The gun is brand new so there is still time to let someone you know buy it and ask their opinion. I'll let SLIG'S WEIRD! know once i've tested it out on a live scrab. Also for any readers that already own the Scrab Shooter, feel free to let us know your opinion on the gun and whether it is very effective.
-ADVERT-
GIVE YOUR SLOG A BONE
Thats right! Give your slog a bone!
But dont settle for scraps of meat and yellow bones, buy a crate of mature, white bones that have been rejected by Bonewerkz!
Get yours today!
ORDER LINE:
0182 694 882
(2 moolah per min).
A GOOD SLOG IS A HAPPY SLOG!
-ADVERT FINISH-
RUBBISH JOKES!
1.) Why did the mudokon cannibal cross the track?
A: Because he wanted to eat at Rupture Farms!
By: Sri
2.) A paramite saw another paramite jumping up and down on a computer. the paramite said "What ya doing?" and the other paramite said "I heard a slig say you can use these to get on the web!"
By: Kingez
3.) What do you call a drunk slig?
A: Legless!
By: Crunch
-----
COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:
> Mudokons wanted for short term work on a small meep ranch. If you can spare about 20 mudokons for up to 3 months a reward of up to 500 moolah could be in it for you. We are located on the north edge of Paramonia.
TEL: 0182 765 765
> GLUKKON POSITION AVAILABLE! Regional manager of a large plot of land to be rented and built on. Perfect for early starting glukkons. The work will be easy to begin with, but it will grow, and so will your moolah! Slig not provided. Prone to native attack. Dangerous to begin with. Bring your own suit. Joint partnership possible.
TEL: 0182 111 989
> Engineer needed desperately!!! Needs to be good at welding, soldering, plastering, rewiring, and aslo handy with a gun. Setting up a small animal stores business thats gone disastrously wrong! Promised small building in good condition but it was a crap hole, and the animals have already been ordered and are on their way!! Find me and my nightmare far east of Flub Fuels next to the giant swamp. Two weeks work plus for 400 moolah a week, no days off. No time wasters! Materials provided but no tools.
TEL: 0182 546 733
SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:
Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix
"No news is good news. I'm afraid i cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.
If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!
Thanks for reading!
End of Issue: 4
-----
credit goes to Oddey for providing the interview.
|