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Issue: 2
SOLDIER SLIG'S GLORY!
Rall, age 12, was awarded the gold cross medal for bravery yesterday. He had been performing a general sweep of the area around the guard tower before locking down for the night, when he spotted a lone scrab.
He slowly raised his rifle and was about to shoot the creature when he noticed his boss, Moziknoff, manager glukkon of the tower, taking a leisurely stroll outside. The scrab saw him also and charged. Rall, who had been working at the tower for 3 years, fired 2 shots at the scrab, but it was too quick.
By now Moziknoff had seen the scrab charging towards him and tried to run to safety, leaping back towards the tower. Rall fired a burst of shots, and hit the scrab (according to sligs that examined the corpse afterwards) 8 times in the back, before the beast fell to the ground.
Moziknoff had this to say;
"I owe my life to this brave slig. If he hadnt of been there, I would be dead."
MAG: A glukkon thanking a slig, thats a first.
As well as receiving the gold cross, Rall was presented with a pair of bronze mechanical legs, a new rifle, and was promoted to captain, head of the tower. The gun was, of course, the new Scrab Shooter.
MAG: So to get a free Scrab Shooter, all you have to do is save a glukkons life. Huh...
-ADVERT-
THE NEW SCRAB SHOOTER!
Designed by Vykkers Labs to pierce the tough skin of scrabs and kill the beast. The weapons powerful bullet trajectory system is GUARANTEED to eradicate the animal due to its unique propulsion technique. Already ordered in mass batches by scrab hunters, Scrabaninan outposts and the famous Slig Barracks, dont be the last person to own your very own Scrab Shooter!
2500 moolah
ORDER LINE:
0182 723 221
(1 moolah per min)
-ADVERT FINISH-
INTERVIEW TIME!
We have been sent an exclusive interview from a source known as AlexFili about a true slig character named Silpher. He's quite a capable slig, well, we at SLIG'S WEIRD! think so...
Reporter: Today's special guest is... Mister Silpher.
Silpher nods as he walks in.
R: "Can I ask, do you have a job at the moment?"
S: "Nah, we're free Sligs. We've had a few offers, but I don't think any of the
other guys would like to settle down or anything like that".
R: "Good on you mate, It's about time we had some free-thinking Sligs around here".
S: "Thank you, it's not easy being a Hybrid you know. We have the disadvantages of both races, thankfully we stick together as a group so we are pretty capable in terms of fighting.
R: "Do you hunt Scrabs most of the time?".
S: "We try to avoid them as much as possible, we normally have Paramite or Elum if possible. And you?"
R: "Oh me? I just have a nice bowl of salad every day".
S: (raises eyebrow) Seriously?
R: "With that, let's end the interview for now".
S: "Goodbye".
-----
Now it's time for our first ever edition of;
Words With Kroloff
YES! Its time to hear our sergeant Kroloff’s words of wisdom, expert in weapons, combat and hunting, with over 16 years experience, and currently stationed at a small slig outpost in Scrabania. But he still has time to answer your questions!
Anonymous Slig at Magog Mineralz: Hello, I have a slight problem. One of my friends doesn't like night duty and he always ends up falling asleep on duty. I fear that he may get fired if he keeps falling asleep. We tried Slogs but he doesn't like them. Can you offer any advice?
Kroloff: Ah, this takes me back. Well, when i had a short term job in a small detention centre just north of FeeCo Depot, moolah in hand, you know, i was assigned to night duty because i wasnt officially on the books.
Anyway, i couldnt for the life of me stay awake, and i was young at the time so i had delusions of being sent to Skillya at the slightest hiccup. Then a friend of mine that woked there full time told me about an experimantal drug the Vykkers had been selling for a while, called Hyper-Act. Its the complete opposite of the Chill Pill, and keeps you on guard for about 6 hours straight. If need be you can always have another one for extended duty.
The only reason it isnt advertised yet is due to a side effect that may make you hallucinate slightly and act erratically. I myself have never experienced this, and i was using it for 6 months on the job, but i suppose prolonged use will incur these side effects.
Either that or lots of coffee. Maybe Zap, that energy drink.
-----
RUBBISH JOKES!
1.) Why was the mudokon talking to a Soulstorm Brew?
A: Because he was talking to his ancestors!
By: Syke.
2.) Why did the glukkon have writers block?
A: Because he had no arms!
By: Trashe.
3.) How do they kill mudokons?
A: Ya' dont wanna know!
By: Crunch
-----
COMMERCIAL & PERSONAL AD'S:
> Slig bare knuckle boxers needed to show these muds what for! Too many muds are fighting in the ring now and we need fresh recruits. Find us in the engine room at Splinterz. No accommodation so local fighters only. No pay, just the perks of beating up mudokons, if your good enough! After hours only.
Tel: 0182 794 554 and ask for Ziche or Ballen.
> WANTED: LOST SLIG PANTS
A Slog ran off with my mechanical pants. Don't ask questions about the Slog. If you find the pants, please return them to; Rupture Farms, PO Box 423. Ask for "Warazu". PS Extra money if you bring Slog.
> 2 Troublesome mudokons for sale. 100 moolah or nearest offer for both. Tel: 0182 655 391
-----
COMPLAINTS.
And now as we reach the end of the magazine, we come to the complaints any of you readers have sent in.
Anonymous: In issue 1, You didn't mention the fleech grinder or the slurg squeezer 1000.
We apolagise for this, in our defence we only had a short amount of time allowed at Rupture Farms to inspect the old mincers, interveiw a number of employee's, and make contact with our source. We may have been rushed, but we will be more thorough in future. Thank you for informing us about this.
Also, if anyone out there knows how the fleech grinder or slurg squeezer 1000 works, please contact us and let us know. We have no idea!
SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:
Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix
"No news is good news. I'm afraid i cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.
If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!
Thanks for reading!
End of issue: 2
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credit goes to AlexFili for supplying the interview with Silpher, question for Words With Kroloff, lost slig pants advert and the complaint.
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