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THIS IS UNOFFICIAL, just an RP spoof magazine, if you like.

This is a magazine printed in Oddworld called 'SLIG'S WEIRD!' that is mostly targetted at the slig population, but some glukkons do read it for information on the latest happenings and to stay 'with the times'. Mudokons read it also, the ones that have come across moolah to buy it with, or steal it.

Its basically a spoof Oddworld magazine that i have created which you can contribute to it in the form of adverts for your 'business', complaints, suggestions, etc. Wanna sell that old slig rifle gathering dust in the corner of your bunker? Need staff for a new factory your attempting to set up? Are you a gluk down on his moolah but need a good second hand suit? Advertise it all here!

SLIG'S WEIRD! is the cheapest magazine in the market, therefore the most popular.

SLIG'S WEIRD! will post one or two articles every other day.

Different things you can contact us about include;
Questions
Information
Jokes
Complaints
Advice
Interveiw ideas
Interveiw information
Personal adverts you wish to have published
Adverts regarding your business
Articles
Birthday wishes
Anything else...

If you wish to contact SLIG'S WEIRD! just PM mollucks assistant, and he will post your question, information, joke, complaint, advice, interveiw, advert or/and anything else in SLIG'S WEIRD! You will be credited for this contribution unless you wish to remain anonymous.

Your contribution will be refined in the form of correcting spelling and making the information easier on the eye with seperate paragraphs, but the information itself will NOT be changed in any way.

(This is just a bit of fun, so if you dont want anyone to see your contribution to this 'magazine' until the next update is posted, PM it to me, and i will post it in the next update. Or you can just post your idea's here in this thread, but they will be in public veiw so it wont be a surprise the next time SLIG'S WEIRD is updated).

Issue: 1

MINCERS!

Gone are the days when Rupture Farms and other meat empires would buy specialised mincers to mince the different animals they captured. Nowadays they just chuck anything made of meat into an all round mincer. But here is a reminder of those bygone days.

Paramite mincer:

Paramite mincers consist of serrated blades on the outer rim of the machine, on the edge of the funnel. Inside is a spinning propeller that has 4 curved blades and 4 straight blades. This is what a slig who works at Rupture Farms had to say about what they do with them, seeing as they are no longer in use;

"They get mudokons that they want an answer out of, you know, and dangle them over it. They let 'em sweat it out for a bit, and once they tell 'em, or the gluk gets bored, they drop 'em in it."

REPORTER: "Isnt that a bit harsh?"

"Wha'? Of course not! They're muds! Anyway, the mincer is only designed to mince paramites which are smaller than muds, so its extra painful for the mudokon."

REPORTER: "What would the damage be, exactly?"

"Well, i've never really hung around to watch, the screams are a bit...you know...horrific. But i spose it would just shred and rip apart the mud instead of chop it up. Like i said, muds are a lot bigger than paramites."

REPORTER: "Okay, thankyou."

Scrab mincer:

The scrab mincer is a vicious piece of machinery. The main spinning blade is a similar shape to a three-headed anchor. It is very sharp. Under this is a large circular blade with shards of metal welded around the edge of it. The blades have been ergonomically designed to mince a scrabs tough hide efficiently.

Meech mincer:

Due to the fact that meech's are now extict, this is the most common way to interrogate a mudokon, or slig, for that matter. it is a puzzling contraption. It has long, narrow knives that line across the actual hole in the funnel of the mincer, their use i have not been able to discover. And below this is a small spinning disc with small, sharp notches lining the edge. When our reporter asked a passing slig security guard what the process was for this particular mincer, he replied;

"How the hell am i sposed to know? Are you meant to be here?"

REPORTER: "Yeah, i'm a reporter for SLIG'S WEIRD!"

"Well dont get distractin' the muds, Molluck wont let you in again if he finds out."

-----

In relation to this article;
We have a very reliable source at Rupture Farms, i will not print his name for his own safety, but the source has provided us with official documents from Rupture Farms archives, all about mincing incidents. Of course, we didnt want to keep it to ourselves, so we thought we'd print part of the document for our readers. We had a tough time convincing Chronicler Spenixson about printing this, as its officially illegal, if they find the source...
Enjoy!

INCIDENT 23: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 7 YEARS
NAME: CULLY
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FELL INTO MEECH MINCER DURING STRUGGLE WITH SLIG GUARDS. TRYING TO TAKE GUN AWAY. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 24: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 3 YEARS
NAME: FOLL
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FED INTO PARAMITE MINCER AS PUNISHMENT AFTER KILLING A SLIG GUARD. OFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 25: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 5 YEARS
NAME: SOLLUTH
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FELL IN PARAMITE MINCER WHILST CLEANING. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 26: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 2 MONTHS
NAME: JOLE
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: KILLED WHEN THE SCRAB MINCER BECAME ACTIVE, DUE TO HIS LACK OF MACHINERY KNOWLEDGE. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 27: SLIG
WORK PERIOD: 12 YEARS
NAME: RUX
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: PUSHED INTO PARAMITE MINCER BY RENEGADE MUDOKONS. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 28: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 17 YEARS
NAME: HOY
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FED INTO PARAMITE MINCER AS PUNISHMENT AFTER REPETITIVE STEALING OF OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS. OFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 29: SLOG
WORK PERIOD: 1 YEAR
NAME: RUM
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: MISJUDGED DISTANCE WHILST JUMPING OVER MEECH MINCER IN PURSUIT OF MUDOKON. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 30: MUDOKON
WORK PERIOD: 11 YEARS
NAME: JONE
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: DRAGGED INTO SCRAB MINCER WHILST LOADING IT. UNOFFICIAL.

INCIDENT 31: SLIG
WORK PERIOD: 9 YEARS
NAME: CANDEN
INCIDENT DESCRIPTION: FELL INTO PARAMITE MINCER WHILST TRYING TO FETCH OUT A MANGLED PAIR OF ROBOTIC LEGS. UNOFFICIAL.

-ADVERT-

LUNGBUSTERS

When you feel like your in a fluster,
have a sit down and smoke a Lungbuster!

NOW IMPROVED!
Longer lasting cigarettes with slower burning paper.

Guarenteed to fill your lungs with tar and make you breath smoke!

One of the most popular products in the Vykkers Labs range.

Over 500,000 packets bought everyday!

Dont be left out!
Join the masses as they puff away their chances of survival and reduce their lifespan considerably!
Used by glukkons, sligs and mudokons alike.

-ADVERT FINISH-

SLIG'S WEIRD! magazine staff:

Writers: Stevix
Editor: Rozzle
Reporters: CANNOT BE NAMED
Receptionist: Coth
Chief coffee maker: Roldy
Magog Cartel law specialiser: Chronicler Sphenixson
Slig security: Font
Len
Disue
Vilt
Hond
Owner: Stevix

"No news is good news. I'm afraid i cannot believe in this motto in my position." - Stevix.

If you wish to have anything published (jokes, interveiws, complaints, birthday wishes, information, etc), then PM mollucks assistant and he will personally make sure it is included in the next issue of SLIG'S WEIRD!

Thanks for reading!

End of issue: 1