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Your posts were far too long for any of us to read, much less dissect.
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OUCH
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I don't remember being initiated. Was I excused/drugged/cloudcuckoolanding/mentally traumatised?
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At first you were drugged, then I'm pretty sure traumatized if in fact you still don't remember.... I mean, you thought the damn stuff was bread pudding for gods sake. You were totally looped.