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  #20  
02-14-2009, 11:57 PM
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Bullet Magnet
Bayesian Empirimancer
 
: Apr 2006
: Greatish Britain
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Dude, he's Godzilla. You can't kill Godzilla. They once tried to erase him from history. He somehow crawled out of the ocean and beat the crap out of them. He once went nuclear and blew up, but his Son was there to become the new Godzilla.

Godzilla is so hard that one time a tiny bit of his DNA fell into a garden, and the resulting mutant plant grew out and nearly destroyed the city. The one who felled the plant? Godzilla.

Godzilla is so hard he can go to an island full of giant monsters, raise his son there, blow the crap out of a giant Mantis or three, piss off their friends, and even awaken a giant spider monster, and is still confident enough to have a nap while all this is happening.

Godzilla is so hard that a bunch of aliens arrived to take over earth by taking control of about every single fucking monster ever. That is:
Mothra, Keizer Ghidorah, Gigan, Rodan, Anguirus, King Caesar, Ebirah, Minilla, Zilla, Kamacuras, Kumonga, Manda, Hedorah, Varan, Baragon, Gaira, Gezora, Titanosaurus, Xilien, Gotengo, Mutants, Keizer, Shobijin, Karyu, and motherfucking Monster X, and more.

And guess what? Godzilla takes them all on in a conga line and whups each of their butt.

If anything, Cloverfield only rates an Ebirah.
Godzilla would faint if he tried to turn his head. Godzilla would be reduced to a pile of tangled bone and meat by virtue of standing upright. Unless his arteries are made of something stronger than steel, Tokyo would be wiped out by a tidal wave of blood bursting forth from his ankles. There is a saying among biologists. Originally, it was J.B.S. Haldane who pointed out that, “You can drop a mouse down a thousand-yard mine shaft; and, on arriving at the bottom, it gets a slight shock and walks away, provided that the ground is fairly soft. A rat is killed, a man is broken, a horse splashes.” Godzilla splashes the moment he takes his first step.

A mouse could, literally, beat Godzilla by default.
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