Well female mudokons are cliché, but sterile-ness is fun. One thing I notice is that she's being beaten and all that, but um...She's still being a tad mouthy O.o., I mean even if she's used to it I don't think she wants to be beaten, unless she's too prideful to start crying from the pain. It also helps to take a line
like this
when you use ""'s. She also might feel bad that the escape didn't go to plan, but it seems good so far
. I mean you have grammar basics, just don't expect too much of a nuclear family stereotype on Oddworld.