[Wil]

Well, here it is. I stayed up late last night doing it, so be thankful.

1. What is your name? Why, of all the questions! Seriously, I’m not telling you my name. Nope. Never.
2. Have you ever been kissed? Why, of all the questions! Seriously, I’m not telling you. Never. Well, okay: yep.
3. What is your favourite movie? No idea at all. The Oddworld Movie.
4. What CD is constantly in your CD player? My CD player? You gave me a CD player? Well, Tubular Bells, Tubular Bells II and Tubular Bells III often find themselves in the household multi-electric sound creating device.
5. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Nope. Ha ha!
6. What is on your mousepad? A black spongy thing and a mouse. And most of the time my wrist as well.
7. What is your favourite colour pen to write with? I am totally not bothered. However, I am bothered what colour ink I write with. Black is the only solution – never blue, and certainly not that cheap imitation black which, on closer inspection, peels off the paper.
8. What shampoo do you use? I’ll just go check – toothpaste, talcum powder, oh here it is – Tesco Anti-dandruff Shampoo.
9. What is you favourite colour? Dunno. It used to be a nice summery violet, but the intense heat up in Britain (it really is hot here) makes me pick either an ice-cold white or a cold-hearted black.
10. How many children do you want? Less than I’ve got already, I can tell you.
11. Do you collect anything? Merchandise. If there’s anything at all related to Oddworld, Crash Bandicoot, The Simpsons, Red Dwarf, Tubular Bells…you can guarantee I’ll have me wallet out faster than a very fast running wallet.
12. What is you favourite word? Favourite word??
13. What are your favourite clothes to wear? Mine. Although, I’d like to wear something different. Gelled hair, methinks.
14. What is your idea of a perfect date? 7th October. It’s absolutely perfect. No flaws at all.
15. What is your favourite book? What do you think I am, the Memory Man? Instead I’ll tell you the books I’m reading at the moment: Backwards by Rob Grant, The Log by Craig Charles and The Unexplained by Jenny Randles.
16. Who is your favourite actor or actress? Rowan Atkinson and John Cleaves are pretty laugh-my-head-off. That’s all I need in an actor. Oh yes, the entire Red Dwarf Posse – Craig, Chris, Cloe, Robert and Danny. And Holly. He plays himself.
17. What is the best feeling in the world? Bat’s fur. It’s hardly a feeling at all.
18. Do you take hot or cold showers? What’s a shower? Hot. Luke-warm on a hot day.
19. If you could kiss anyone, who would it be? Spring-Heeled Jack. No – Marianne Deveny. I wonder if she’s reading this – hello!
20. What is your favourite band or sing…Mike Oldfield. So much so, you didn’t even have to finish the question.
21. What are you listening to right now? My keyboard as it clacks away. And me as I mutter my frightfully witty replies! Jolly wizard!!
22. Do you believe in God? Only when I’m furious and I need something to threaten.
23. When is your birthday? I already answered this in question 14! You asked the same question twice! How stupid! Ha! I’ll deplete your need for information by telling you that David Lister was born just 7 days after me. Well, 7 days and a whole lot of years.
24. How tall are you? Last I checked, 1800.
25. What is your favourite television show? Haven’t got one. Instead I’ll tell you my favourite television program – at the moment Red Dwarf. Although that could shift violently. Maybe Colony when it finally starts production.
26. Have you ever had sex? What? What about all the little kiddies reading this?
27. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? This world you say? I dunno. Wherever Oddworld Inhabitants live. Unfortunately that’s across The Pond. Ask again without the ‘this world’ bit.
28. Do you have braces? I have neither type of braces.
29. Do you like roller coasts? I own Roller Coaster Tycoon! Yes, I do, but I still haven’t managed to get on Nemesis.
30. What is your favourite season? Not the football season, that’s for sure. Or the rugby season. In fact all sport and hunting is out the window. Except cricket. I’d die of boredom watching it, but playing is something else. I’ve scored no runs!
31. What is your favourite time of day? What a silly question.
32. What is your favourite gemstone? Fossilised poo. I dunno.
33. What is your favourite cartoon? No idea. The Simpsons? Futurama? I don’t like Pokemon, but somehow I’m drawn to those cartoons. Weird huh?
34. What is on your bedroom walls? Paint. Actually it was meant to be a representation of Necrum, with one wall dark blue with glow-in-the-dark stars for the Free-Fire Zone. But it was never finished, and now I sweat just looking at it. God, it’s so hot here…
35. What’s your favourite ice cream flavour? Homemade vanilla. Mmm mmm, but it costs an arm and a leg.
36. If you had a time machine, where would you go? I’d go back to Dallas, 1963. Sit on the grassy knoll and shout: ‘duck!’. Oh, I’m sorry, I must have bi-passed my good taste chip. God, I’ve got to get Red Dwarf out of my system. I might go back to Fisher Canyon, Nevada, USA 160 million years ago. God, it would be wonderful to put those footprints in that rock. Ye-hah!
37. What do you want to be when you’re older? A worker at OWI. Seriously – I’ve got plenty of time to learn computer programming.
38. What colour are your eyes? A mix of blue and green. They used to be just blue, but then they changed…
39. Who is the person you talk to most on the phone? The person who sorts out my paper rounds, usually trying to get me to do another spare round. I wonder if he’s reading this – hello, Rex!
40. If you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be? Neon electric super-blast lightning bright anything. That would freak me out.
41. Do you have any nicknames? Bunsen Burner.
42. What does your dream girl look like? Uncannily like Marianna Deveny. Oh wait, hey, that is Marianne Deveny – hello!
43. Are you good in math? Rename the question ‘are you good at maths’ and I’ll tell you I’m the best. More on that later…
44. Do you have freckles? Sure do. He lives next door. I’ll invite him over if you want.
45. Who are your best friends? You guys here. I’ve had ‘real life’ best friends, but I don’t like any of them. Glen used to be a good friend, apart from the fact I despised him. Then there was James Read whom Marianne started two-timing me with. Hate him now, and now he’s really unpopular. All my new friends at the new school are smarter than I am, so I’m jealous of them and that throws all them away. And they wonder why I never go to their parties…
46. What’s your favourite kind of flower? Sorry? Flower? No idea.
47. What is your favourite store? It used to be my infinite store of knowledge. When I left the Lakenham Posse and the end of the 99/00 school year I went to Norwich School. Naturally, everything I’m best at there was someone else better than I was. That means they’re all smarter than I am. Now I’m not the smartest. How I wish I was part of the Boffin Brigade.
48. What is the most daring thing you’ve ever done? Manage to convince my cousin to ride a swinging inverter ship with me. Hey, I owed it to him – he convinced me to go on Corkscrew at Alton Tower. That was the first theme park ride that took me upside down.
49. Is there anyone you really hate? The list is endless. My cousin (see above). He had to spend a few months living here, and he stole irreplaceable chocolate, threw chewing gum about and generally behaved like himself. Although I don’t hate them, I deeply jealous of all my ‘friends’ at school. They are all smarter and cooler than I am. Hopefully that’ll change this coming year… I won’t go deeper, but there’s a lot of people I hate.
50. Do you and your parents fight a lot? Never at all.
51. What’s your favourite candy? I only 97% in my maths exam this summer. The marker penalised me two marks because I answered the questions with too in-depth answers. Next time I won’t show my marking and see what the smug idiot says.
52. What’s your favourite kind of music? I told you – Mike Oldfield music.
53. What was the last movie you saw in the theatre? I think it was X-Men. Luckily Glen paid for me. Ha ha!
54. Are you getting suck of these questions yet? No, I’m getting to pour my heart out. I’m just worried I’m not going to be able to finish by the 10pm bedtime deadline.
55. Have you ever been to the ocean? Of course I have. I find it difficult to imagine not being able to visit the sea. Do some people really honestly not get a chance to visit the sea? I refuse to believe that.
56. Do you have any part of your body pierced? Not physically, no. Emotionally, it hurts like hell on a hot summer. God, it’s so hot today. Hello, my adorable ginger cat just came in to say hello.
57. What is your favourite restaurant? Can’t afford restaurants. The closest we can paid for is fish ‘n’ chip shops.
58. What is your favourite brand of clothing? Anything that doesn’t advertise. I’d like to change my image though. Gelled hair, maybe.
59. What is your favourite magazine? None.
60. Who do you like talking to most on the Internet? No idea. Anyone who’d read a final note, if I left it.
61. What school do you go to? King Edward VI’s Grammar School for Norwich. Everyone just calls it Norwich School, but I know better. We have to spend a whole day practically worshipping Nelson. He only came here for two weeks, and he really hated it.
62. Do you have any pets? One British shorthair. He’s a pale sandy colour, tabby, with slight blue on top of his head. His fur is thick and comes out whenever you look at him. My mum also has a British shorthair. He’s ginger, tabby, brother of mine, and has cross-eyes. Their names are Simpson and BT. Our first cat, Puss, had to be put down because it had Leukaemia, and Bill we think got hit by a truck. BT stands for Bill Two.
63. Which is better, pie or cake? What sort of a question is that?
64. Are you a good French kisser? I’ve never tried it, and I’m not going to unless Marianne stops messing about with all her new friends in her new school. I can’t complain, I left the Posse as well. They’re all in Hewett.
65. What? Hello?
66. What is your favourite colour to wear? Preference is futile. I’d like to try a different style of clothing. Perhaps get my hair gelled. Yeah, right, I’m just little unfashionable me. Reality sucks.
67. What is your favourite animal? Simpson. Or BT. They’re both adorable.
68. What is your favourite alcoholic drink? Death to all alcohol.
69. What sports do you like? What person invented sports? Where’s that time machine you spoke of earlier? Where’s that bomb?
70. What is your favourite outfit? Something which includes gelled hair. Short sleeved checker shirt of long sleeved pastel shirt, with gelled hair, quiff, and an air of calm.
71. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Every night I cry myself to sleep.
72. What is your favourite card game? I can deal cards mighty better than anyone I know! While they’re all fumbling around with shuffling and dealing, I’m halfway through a quick game of Bisley. How I’d love to show off my card skills to those eggheads at Norwich School. How they’d worship me.
73. Do you swear? Sure do. At people behind their back, and at machines. Machines never work for me. They always find a pathetic excuse not to work, like: “I’m sorry, I can’t heat this water, it’s too wet.”
74. Have you ever had surgery? I had a suzerain thing to get into the world. Typical, my first and only entry into the world, and I need help with it. Bloody great omen. How could I have missed it??
75. What is you favourite beverage? Oh, there’s so much to choose from!
76. Do you want to get married? Marianne, where are you?
77. What is your most embarrassing moment? Birth to death.
78. What is your zodiac sign? Libra.
79. Where do you think is the most boring place in the world? Ever had to stay home instead of going out somewhere fun so you can do your homework, but your realise that you left your homework at school? That’s the most boring place in the world. And waiting for an email that never arrives. And a school open day. And school sports day. I’ll never forget that Saturday where we had to attend both. If only I had something to do in either of them.
80. Have you ever smoked? My dad puts cigarettes in his mouth, so I’m forced to smoke his crappy nicotine filled smoke.
81. What do you look for in a guy? Blood and guts. I wouldn’t like a guy not to have that in him.
82. What song do you wish the radio would play more often? I can’t hear the radio over my mental screaming.
83. If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would it be? Does it have to be just one person? I’ll get back to you.
84. Huh? Hello?
85. Do you like writing letters? Of complaint, to big companies, yes.
86. Who do people say you look like? Crappy ol’ Bunsen Burner, that’s who. Mr Bean, a few people reckon.
87. What is the favourite month of the year? Take a peek at question no. 14 and think October.
88. What kinds of clothes do you like to see guys/girls wear? I hate seeing what other people are wearing, because it’s usually much better to what I’m wearing.
89. How many words per minute can you type? Not enough, I’m already 17 minutes past the bedtime deadline.
90. What is the one thing you could change about the way you act? There’s no one thing. I’d like to be less shy and less nervous under pressure, mainly.
91. What is the one thing you would change about your looks? What I look like. Gelled hair would be cool.
92. What is your favourite perfume? I don’t wear perfume. Uh oh, I’m long past the bedtime deadline. I’ll start again tomorrow.
93. Well, here I am, secretly typing away. What’s the next question? What is the worst feeling in the world? The ones I feel.
94. Do you have allergies? None.
95. What is one of your pet peeves? People who show off how smart they are by not boasting about it. People who don’t think they’re smart, but are smarter than me. Anyone who is smarter than me. Anyone who beats me. Anyone who’s better than me at anything. People who don’t agree with me, People who argue with me, people who put me down, and my cousin Shaun (see above). The list could go on.
96. What are some of your bad habits? I got these two questions the wrong way round. Oh well. Bad habits? Getting nervous when under pressure or spoken to. Shyness. The funny way I hold a pencil, which means I can’t write neatly.
97. Do you have a website? Not yet, but designs are on their way. Construction begins with the purchasing of Microsoft Front Page, and it will be launched by the time I tell you it will be.
98. What kind of car do you drive? Give me a driving licence and I’ll tell you.
99. Where were you born? Norfolk and Norwich Hospital.
100. Do you believe in love at first site? Maybe. If it ever comes my way I’ll let you know.

Well, that's all. Please excuse anything that I may have missed.