[ParasiteSklent]

I've been working on this for a lot longer than expected, and I'll be updating it frequently, if all goes right. I got the idea from my own idiot brain, and some inspiration from my High School Never Ends video. I'll expand on the plot much more in the next chapters; this one just sums up the unorthodox nature of the place. I digress. Have a read.

MUDOS ACADEMY CHAPTER 1

As the sun loomed high in the cloudless Oddworld sky, Abe looked up at it and sighed. He was nervous, and he had a good reason to be. Today was his first day at Mudos Academy, the most prestigious high school on the continent. In fact, it was the only high school on the continent. That's why it was prestigious, if for no other reason. The blue-skinned Mudokon's best friend, a green-skinned Mudokon named Alf, had told him several horror stories about the school.

"One year, a Slig had his arms torn off by a pack of Slogs because he didn't run fast enough in Gym," he had once told Abe. "I heard that one guy went missing the year before, and when they found him, his eyes melted and he had toes growing out of his forehead. Some Muds say it was the Vykkers who did it to 'im, the poor shmuck." Abe hated it when Alf recounted these stories. He himself was dim-witted, clumsy, too thin, and a general, all-around weirdo. Everyone loved reminding him, even other Mudokons; he had blue skin, while everyone else was green, his eyes were reddish orange, his lips were stitched together... The list went on for miles. After hearing dozens of stories from the ever oblivious Alf, he had a gut feeling that he was going to be fresh meat on the tougher guy's menus. Yes, the puns are intended.

At least, Abe thought this way until he saw another sap who was much weirder than him. This...guy, this thing, was very strange indeed. His head was huge, with fins protruding from the top, along with large, googly purple eyes, and a wide mouth filled with small jagged teeth. His body was bulbous and bounced up and down as he hopped around on his one large flipper. He would occasionally dart his eyes left and right, examining the other creatures with what seemed like both fear and curiosity.

As Abe watched the small, strange guy, Alf approached him from behind and gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder. Not expecting the small blow, Abe nearly fell on his face (it wasn't very hard, Abe was just horribly weak and fragile). He caught his bearings moments before his face met the pavement.

Alf: Hey Abe, you've been zoning out on me again. What's up?

Abe: Oh, uh... I just noticed that weirdo over there-

Alf: Oh, that guy? He's a Gabbit, ya know.

Abe: Yeah, but...I didn't know they could come here.

Alf: They can't. At least, not before they couldn't. He's the first one in the history of Oddworld to come here. The Glukkons were against it, but the Vykkers really wanted to let 'im in for some reason.

Abe: Well...he looks kinda scared, doesn't he?

Alf: He's got good reasons, too. You know, one time, I heard that one unlucky Mud got his foot sawed off when-

Not wanting to hear another gruesome anecdote, Abe cut Alf short.

Abe: I think I'm gonna go talk to him.

Alf: Huh? Why? He's just a shmuck.

Abe: I dunno, he might be kinda cool.

Alf: Whatever.

Alf shrugged his shoulders and sauntered off in the opposite direction, while Abe fixed his red-orange eyes on the Gabbit again. Without thinking, he began to slowly approach him. Noticing Abe's short steps, the Gabbit flinched momentarily, then started to dart his eyes again. Once Abe reached him, he looked around nervously. Feeling stupid for being so shy, he looked directly at the Gabbit and began to introduce himself.

Abe: Uh...hi.

The Gabbit said nothing.

Abe: My name's Abe.

The Gabbit finally looked up at Abe and responded.

Gabbit: ...I'm Munch. Hi.

They were both silent for a moment.

Munch: There ain't any other Gabbits here.

Abe: Huh?

Munch: They said there was gonna be more Gabbits, but I haven't seen none anywhere.

Abe: Who said that?

Munch: Them Vykkers.

A funny thought popped into Abe's head; Why would the Vykkers lie to this Munch guy? Abe wasn't much for thinking, though, so the thought didn't go very far. After that, a loud speaker started blaring a loud, yelling voice from the large building.

Voice: HEY! Classes are gonna start soon, so get yer asses inside! DO IT!!!

Alf approached Abe again and slapped his shoulder. Again. Abe almost fell over. AGAIN. Only this time, he nearly fell on top of Munch. But he didn't. That would have been very unpleasant for everyone involved, so-

Abe: Where is that voice coming from? Is it the speaker again? It sounds different.

Munch: Naw, it sounds like a girl.

Abe: She's got a weird sound to her voice...

Alf: Maybe it's a Midwestern accent or something.

HEY! You're not supposed to be aware of the narrator! Stop breaking the fourth wall!

Alf suddenly forgot what the hell was going on.

Alf: Hey, who're you talking to, Abe?

Abe: The weird voice.

Alf: ...What weird voice?

Abe: The one coming from nowhere! You heard it too, didn't ya, Munch?

Munch gave Abe a funny look.

Munch: You're friend is crazy in th' head.

Alf: Yeah, I know. Now c'mon, we gotta get inside. What class ya got first, stitch lips?

Abe: I wish you wouldn't call me that... And I got History. I think.

Alf: Aw, bummer. I got Biology. See ya later then.

Alf went inside, while Abe and Munch still stood outside. The speaker popped up again.

Voice: COME ON, WE AIN'T GOT ALL DAY!

Abe: Well, I guess we'd better get in...since there are no other Gabbits around, I could hang out with you. I guess. If you don't mind.

Munch: ...OK.

The two made their way inside the building. As they walked through the halls, they saw all kinds of different Oddworld species; Mudokons were socializing in small groups, some Sligs were talking and laughing loudly, Clakkerz were gossiping, and Grubbs were trying to raise the dead.

...Wait, what?

Several Grubbs were standing in a circle, while one Grubb, dressed in torn black clothes and wearing heavy black make-up, was standing in the middle.

Goth Grubb: Oh great spirit of the Steef, go forth into the land of the afterlife and return the soul of Moofy to us!

Abe and Munch stopped and stared.

Abe: Don't ask about it, it's probably not worth it-

Munch: What are you guys doin'?

Abe slapped his forehead.

Goth Grubb: Oh hey dude, you wanna help us with our resurrection circle?

Munch: Your what?

Goth Grubb: This guy's pet Fuzzle Moofy died this morning, and we're gonna totally bring him back to life.

Grubb Guy: Moofy... WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?! WHY MOOFY, WHY?!

The guy started crying uncontrollably.

Goth Grubb: Yeah, he's like, taking it really hard.

Abe: I don't think that's gonna work...

Goth Grubb: Why not?

Abe: ...Well, uh...usually, when Mudokons bring guys back to life, we go to Resurrection Totems, and-

Goth Grubb: We don't need your backwoods resurrection methods! We can totally bring this Fuzzle back! Totally!

Abe: ...OK, if you say so...

As Munch inched closer to their circle, the Fuzzle started to rise up.

Grubb Guy: It's working! IT'S WORKING! MOOFY!

The Fuzzle exploded. The Grubb guy was distraught.

Grubb Guy: NOOOOO! I have no reason to live!

He ran away crying. The other Grubbs stared angrily at Abe.

Goth Grubb: This is your fault, dude!

Abe: But I didn't do anything-

The voice from the speaker chimed in a third time.

Voice: HEY! WHAT'RE YA DOIN'?! GET TO CLASS! NOW!

Abe shrugged. He and Munch made their way to their classroom.

CLASS 1 - HISTORY

The Mudokon and the Gabbit peered cautiously into the room. Desks and chairs were scattered about the room messily. A few Mudokons stood and sat in front of the room, while three Clakkerz sat together, whispering and giggling. Near the back was a quintet of Sligs; they eyed Munch and Abe intently. Two figures in particular stood out; in the middle row of desks sat a homely, shabby looking Glukkon with a small head, buck teeth, and an overbite. In the corner stood a tall, hairy guy, wearing a poncho, large boots, and a wide-rimmed hat. His sharp green eyes focused on the front of the room.

As Abe and Munch slowly entered the room, some of the Mudokons looked up. The Clakkerz went about their business, and the Sligs nudged each other and laughed. The stranger in the back stood still; the Glukkon was asleep. Munch looked up sheepishly at Abe.

Munch: There still ain't any Gabbits 'round here, Abe.

Abe: Well, um... Maybe there'll be some in the next class.

The two were then shoved to the ground by a Slig entering the room.

Slig: Get outta the way, the boss is comin' in.

They moved out of the way and sat down while a Glukkon dressed in blue waddled in behind the Slig. His skin was darker than most Glukkons, and he had a very prominent underbite. He made his way behind a large desk at the front of the room. The Slig went to the blackboard on the wall behind the Glukkon.

Glukkon Teacher Guy: HEY! Sit down and shaddup, ya morons! I'm Mr. Phleg, and I'm gonna be teachin' you...

Phleg looks at a paper on the desk.

Phleg: ...History, apparently.

As Phleg spoke, the Slig wrote "Mr. Phleg" on the blackboard in a nearly unintelligible text.

Phleg: I'm barely getting payed for this at all, so let's get this crap over with. First, there's-

Abe raised his hand in the air. Phleg gave him an annoyed look.

Phleg: Whaddaya want?

Abe: Shouldn't we introduce ourselves first...?

Phleg: WHAT?! Fine. Who're you?

Abe: My name's Abe.

Phleg turns to Munch.

Phleg: You?

Munch: I'm Mu-

Phleg: Yeah great, and you?

Phleg turned to the shabby Glukkon, waking him from his sleep.

Glukkon: Huh?

Abe: That's not really what I meant-

Phleg: Shut yer trap! So, this is History, right? Let's start this off with some current evens. I used to be the Director of the Bonewerkz, until SoulStorm and every other company we owned went BANKRUPT... Since Meeches went extinct, no one bought treats from Rupture Farms! It went out of business, and SoulStorm went with it! I...I LOST IS ALL! NOW I GOTTA WORK IN THIS SHITHOLE, WITH YOU IDIOTS! I HAVE BEEN TOTALLY SCREWED OVER!

Phleg broke down crying. He ran (or, waddled as fast as he can) out the room and into the room directly across the hall. Shouts were heard. A Vykker started yelling.

Vykker: Phleg, get your head out of the Fuzzle cage!

Phleg cried harder.

IN THE OTHER ROOM...

The class, made up entirely of Mudokons, were sitting and staring stupidly. Two Vykkers were trying in vain to pull Phleg out of the large pen full of Fuzzles. One Vykker wearing an apron let go of the Glukkon.

Vykker: Oh forget it, it's not worth it. Irwin, let his head get eaten!

The other Vykker let him go, as Phleg continued to act over-dramatic.

Irwin: Hey Humphrey, wasn't that guy teaching the class with the Gabbit?

Humphrey: Yeah, he was...

Humphrey grinned and turned to the Mudokons.

Humphrey: Class is dismissed for now. Go outside and run around.

The Mudokons cheered and left. Humphrey walked up to a Slig who was standing in the hall.

Humphrey: Release the Fleeches.

Slig: Yes sir!

Humphrey: We're going to take over the other class and get a look at that Gabbit.

Irwin: But HUMPHREY, I was looking so forward to seeing the Fleeches in action!

Humphrey: Look, there'll always be more later. I have big plans for that Gabbit, and I don't want any of those Glukkons or Sligs messing it up.

Irwin: Come ON, Humphrey. I hate when you get all experimental.

Humphrey grabbed onto one of Irwin's four arms and dragged him along to the other room. Pleased with the suspect attitudes between the two Vykkers, the author decided to end the chapter, to leave off on what little suspense there is.

Abe: Breaking the fourth wall is considered lazy writing.

No one asked you, Abe.

END OF CHAPTER 1