I didn't do anything for
Singles Awareness Day as I'm a sad and pathetic no-hoper without a chance of ever uniting with my one true love or knight in shining armour, therefore tying me down to a lifestyle full of sluts, power and money where I will end up senile and pass away underneath my thirty-something-years-younger slaveboy during a vigorous session.
Oh! What a terrible fate awates me...
Alcar...