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  #8  
10-22-2007, 07:00 AM
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Adder
Grubb Fisherman
 
: Oct 2002
: The nearest DDR machine
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Adder  (11)

2 tips:

1. Posting it all in bold is a bit strange. It makes the words bulky and slower to read. I understand why you did it (it makes each word easier to read) but it is a bit of a bad idea.

2. Grammar/punctuation.
:
but they kept most of the wind and snow to the minimum. Kuroni himself was sat in the rear most tent sharpening his spear. The flat point at the end was smooth and sharp, like it's owner.
Don't trust MS Word (or most auto-correction) tools when it comes to grammar and punctuation. The first sentence is a bit awkward, you should really try to rewrite it for clarity ("they kept the wind and snow to a minimum" or "they held back most of the wind and snow").
The second one is a bit of a big (but common) error. It's = "It is". You meant "like its owner".

Overall: It's very hard to read. The style isn't too bad, but the sentence structure and vocabulary are WAY OTT (IMO at least).
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