Excuse me if my thoughts still seem a bit unorganized. Still finding a place and crap like that. So...This post may contain stuff that makes no sense what so ever. It also explains why i'm so weird.
Well, I was baptized a roman catholic, and I currently live in the bible belt with my jesus freak grandmother. With her, all her explanations lead to jesus.
Example:
Me: Grandma? Why is there two full moons in a row tonight?
Her: *insert long explanation* God, honey.
So yeah, both my grandmas are jesus freaks. Including my evil grandma (who still insists on punishing my mother by sueing her for shit she didn't do, and then claim that she doesn't lie because she goes to church and stuff like that. The innocent little lady act.)
Being that i'm forced to go to church every saturday, i'm not all into this god stuff. So I decided to find my own path, like my accepting parents told me. Plus, I hate large zombie groups.
My line of thought before I pass out from the hypnotizing monotone priest, usually consists of the possibility that god might be getting tired of 2007 years of hearing the same things over and over again, from the same books. Either he has a really big ego, or he's a five year old child begging for one more bedtime story before he uses earth like a giant punching pillow or something. I believe that all religious scriptures are just accounts of what they experianced when god-like stuff was happening in that area. Some see him as a wise man, others, a powerful being. Some people believe that his creations represent him, and he is in each of them somehow, and another group, mostly teenagers, believe that we were here for some kind of sick entertainment of his, or that it's all just a computer program (not a matrix referance, I swear to whoever you believe in).
So I loath those who entrust soemthing as valuable as thier soul to this person, and repeat his legend every day. It's annoying. to quote from josh's sig:
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God.
Baisically, I know he's there, but I refuse to worship him that way. I follow the basic rules, respect his creations, and try and keep the peace if I am able. Me and my screwed up juvinile tendancies have me believing in magic at his point in time, so now I find myself going down the nature spiritual path. My biggest revelation was at the zoo, wandering through the miniature bamboo forest. I felt like I was home, that I needed nothing else. Now I have the urge to go into the woods out back and live in a tree house.
But yeah, I'm also planning on shooting the tyrant principal with an arrow and bow I made from the bountiful sacred pecan tree in the backyard. He tore up a petition that a student made for changing the dress code, instead of telling her politely that it wasn't in his power to do that. She got detention, and now I'm godzillah pissed. He broke the peace, and blood must be spilt. All this wanting to keep things peaceful, wanting to live solitarily, and without social interaction has me believeing that my spirit is posessed by a dragon. Now i'm constantly thinking about the meaning of life, and I got really close during a long thinking session, but someone had to sit next to me and fart. I might be a decendant of a dragon, but I might ust be imagining my father's silver hair and green eyes.
So me in my 'adult brain in a kids body' situation is not really good. Especially when I was treated as an adult all my life, but my imagination was expanded. So I just might end up making my own theory for life (and a possible new lifestyle) out of a mix of videogame themes, mythology, baisic 'right under your nose' logic, too many replays of 'what the bleep do we know', and various religious wisdom from both fictional and real races. I got some good use out of some alien quotes, and it taught me how to manipulate adults (mostly by not submitting or challenging).
It may or may not work out, but I know for a fact that later on my studies will include the flying spaghetii monster. I might make a new religion for all I know. Oh, well. Trying to be different is hard without dying at the hands of your own species...
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