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OOC:That looks fine to me, Marvak, just remember that random characters (e.g. characters that aren't controlled by anyone) aren't really allowed in this, so the "stares from crowds" doesn't really fit. That's not really a biggy, but that's why I'm telling you now so you'll know 
Oh, and I just thought I'd reply to what you said in the other thread about the unscripted side of it, that's half the fun! And I'll tell you what, your characters seem to develop a lot more in an RPG than in a story (and much more unexpectedly ), because everyone has a part in it.
So welcome to the RPG!
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OOC: Thanks so much! I wasn't sure about the crowds, but seeing as he and they aren't actually interacting, they're just kinda lookin' at him... o-o But I could possibly try and change it if that's going against the rules. *shrugs*