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  #7  
05-29-2007, 07:37 PM
Reiji Neko Mitsukai's Avatar
Reiji Neko Mitsukai
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: May 2003
: I cruise around...
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Reiji Neko Mitsukai  (10)

The ending of the first chapter scared me a bit. And having Earthlings being the bad guys is a great twist- since we've never really learned the story of Fangus, you've pretty much got free reign here. I'm interested in seeing where this goes.

Otherwise, I pretty much agree with skillya- the chapters need to be much longer and more descriptive, and the grammar and punctuation could use some work, but it has potential.
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