First off:
:
Nemo made his start excellent
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Yay! :D
Now on topic:
I didn't read the story at first, but the part that is up...
Well, it just seems too short. There's two paragraphs.
Only two.
No more.
Two.
Any good starting story, IMHO, needs atleast three paragraphs. Otherwise it just seems too short and missing things.
Like a midget with amputated limbs.
I give it a 5/10.
You tried, which is half of the work.
Edit:
Also, stop posting every other post. There's no rule against it, but it's getting on my nerves.