[Matriar]

(I'm not sure whether this is the right place to show that thread.)

The last months I tried to resolve a special problem of mine by myself but I had to notice that I really need some help at last. 'Cause it is gonna be pretty serious.
I truly feel under par to tell you that but I'm afraid, I need to.

When I was about 9 years old, there was a boy who was after me, too often. He was "in love with me", as he often said to me, but the only thing he truly wanted was not me but my body. He hunted me like a prey, got me, and did things to me.
The weird thing is, I really can't remember anymore, what exactly I had to experience then. It's as if somebody cut important scenes out of a movie. That is what it's like when I try to remember. But, at least, there are pictures about the environments, what it felt like, the weather, the lights, and some sounds too.
Once I read about those guys who have experienced war and couldn't remember either because psychology seems to "self-defense" itself then. The reason was that those happenings was just too terrible. But their bodies still know.
So I do. There are weird, mysterious things, like, that I hate to lie on my back because I kind of feel helpless then. And I hate when peoples touch me even they wanna give me only a simple hug sometimes.
Whatever, the last weeks I energetically tried to get that lost story of mine. I went to every places I could remember, waiting for coming answers. But nothing happpened.
Also, I often thought about tell the police about this. Well... but what can I do at last? The boy has moved to somewhere I don't know and I can't even remember the experiences to tell.
And the only person who could know the full story is him. But... I guess, he'd never tell it to me or anyone he knows.

Man, I need some help now...