Aaaaah, this makes me want to go back and redo OWF from the start, and put in a scene like you made.
Excellent imagination of what OWF will be like, even if for some reason the humor dosen't seem to work for me.
And no, I don't mind that you ripped this off from me. It's kinda flattering, to know that my bizarre stories inspired someone else.
Saying that, I do have some thoughts:
1. Spacing. It seems I go over this with every fanfic I review (which, admitidley, it a small number), they make the whole thing an eyesore by not spacing it out. Space out every few sentences every now and then, or when a character starts out dialouge. If it's the same person, however, continuing the paragraph is ok. This'll make the story more pleasing to the eye and easier to read without losing your place.
2. Notes. Let me post your use of this:
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A dragon in the air, being ridden by a person, or some type of humanoid (Lets just refer to the humanoid as It for now).
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Never, ever add in a note like this. It throws off the momentum, and seems extremely out of place. Put it as though this went through Adam's mind, maybe like this:
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A dragon in the air, being ridden by a person, or some type of humanoid. Adam's confused mind distractadly gave it the name It.
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You had numerous other examples of this. Do not, I repeat, Do Not switch between viewpoints. Type as if you are the person, or a Narrator. Not both.
3. Grammar. I am a stickler for spelling and grammar, when it is a fan fiction. I ran OWF Untol Legend through my Word processing program, even if it sent my formatting to hell and made me spend half an hour more than I should have re-doing all the italics and bolds and whatever. I did it because it just looks totally unprofessional if you post a large, hand-made story and mis-spell 'the' or forget the period or " marks in a sentence.
A small amount of mistakes is forgiven, however, since we're all human here. You had a few slip-ups (head-smashey?), but otherwise, it was ok.
I'm going to give this a 8/10 for a opening chapter.
Keep it up!
I'm gonna go re-do OWF The Sequel right now, I have to do something or i'll go nuts.