[One, Two, Middlesboogie]

Yes, now you too can be just like me!

• End every sentence with 'in accordance with the prophecy'.
• Skip instead of walk.
• Smile. All the time. Unceasingly.
• In the memo space of your cheque stubs, write 'because I felt like it'.
• Walk backwards to school/college/work, and say 'bye!' to all your freinds that you pass along the way.
• Fill the coffee machines of your workplace with decaf for three weeks. When everyone has got over from their cafeine addiction, replace decaf with espresso.
• Look for hairs on the palm of your hand.
• Find hairs on the palm of your hand.
• Talk to your pet.
• Discover that it talks back!
• Make up imaginary words and drop them into conversation.
• Believe that doing so makes you sound intelligent.
• Enjoy the smell of your own farts.
• Eat cat biscuits and enjoy them (the rabbit-flavoured ones taste like Twiglets but saltier and with less Marmite!)
• Collect milk-bottle tops.
• Swing from chandeliers.
• Run the wrong way up/down escalators.
• Dance in the street.
• When introduced to somebody, look at them quizzically and then ask them 'didn't we meet in the army once?'
• When phoning for a pizza, give them your address first, then when they ask which pizza you want, say 'oh, just surprise me!' and hang up.
• Laugh when there's nothing funny.
• Floss with pink ribbon.
• Refuse to eat anything that is not a certain colour.
• Wet yourself laughing.
• Never break eye contact.
• Growl and bark at dogs.
• Talk about yourself in the third person.