[Steefie]

Chapter 2:

Cheesy

Nobody calls Steefie a princess. She was now determined to show Bob what she was capable of. “I already know where to find that sonuvabitch,” Steefie said to the clerk, and folded up the wanted sign and put it in her dress pocket. “Hope you can run fast… Bob.”

She walked out of the Bounty Store, and without looking back once, she ran like a rocket out of town to find Loud Mouth Liam. Stranger (or Bob as Steefie calls him) needed to find out off the clerk where this Liam fella was hiding out. It turned out that Liam and his gang were seen to the east of New Yolk City near Beak’s Peak.

“Ya better hurry if ya want that Bounty, Stranger; that woman looks like she’s pretty set on getting’ it first.” The Clakker said.

Stranger turned around and headed for the door. “We’ll see ‘bout that…”

!_S_T_E_E_F_!

Steefie was flying up the rocky hillside; she was a pretty nimble Steef. She had passed jumped the fence behind the Bounty Store and was navigating her way up the steep hill; a more direct route to Liam… when she came to a halt on the plateau.

“Ah crap! I knew I forgot somethin’!” She spun around, and leapt forward, running down the hill and her hands and feet; she was descending so fast she was feeling a little air sick.

Stranger walked out of the Bounty Store; he had to use the elevator at the north end of the town. He had only taken a few steps when he was hurled to the ground by what felt like a cannon.

Oof! Thunk! “Sorry!”

Steefie had jumped off the hillside, flying in the air over the fence, and out of control. And she crashed into ‘Bob’. However she this hadn’t stopped her; she did an army roll with what momentum she had left, and jumped up and ran to the General Store.

“What the…” Stranger stood up a little dazed. “I thought she had no Moolah…”

Before he had time to shake the Dust off, Steefie was bolting out of the store again, yelling back, “Sorry but it’s an emergency!”

She went to run past Stranger, but he grabbed her by the back of her belt and yanked her back. “No Moolah, ‘ey?”

“That’s right pal, now I gotta get runnin’; 'case you didn’t notice, I was in a hurry.”

“What was in that store that you just had ta run me over for, heh?”

Steefie moved closer made a face at Stranger; she pulled at her nostrils, and wobbled her tongue; she looked kind of like a drunk donkey. Then, quite suddenly, she leant around and bit Stranger’s hand.

“Yaargh!” Stranger let go of Steefie’s belt, and yanked it free of her pointy teeth. “You bit me!”

Stranger’s words fell on deaf ears. Steefie was already running towards the hill again. She dodged a few Thudslugs that were shot at her, whilst scaling the hillside all over again.

Stranger turned towards the top end of New Yolk City. “I better hurry up and get to that elevator… There aint no way I can climb that hill.”

!_S_T_E_E_F_!

The cheese in Steefie’s pocket wafted a scent that was very tempting. It made her mouth drool like a leaky tap. Cheese was her most favourite food; although she knew to eat it in moderation because it had a bad habit of making one somewhat constipated (unless eaten with a laxative, like Butt-Flo).

She promised herself that as soon as she had bagged Loud Mouth, she’d eat her cheese. Steefie was soon at the edges of Loud Mouth Liam’s territory; she had spotted the first Outlaw patrols hanging around the entrance to a forte of some sorts. The forte was built into the side of the mountain; it looked like it used to belong to the Natives.

Steefie had three choices. First choice, she could barge through and hope to god she wouldn’t get killed. Second choice, she could try and stealth it; and third choice, she could pretend to be on a message run from Tubbo. The third choice would be the quickest; and if it didn’t work, she could always resort to barging in.

She took one step, and stopped. “I can’t go in there with my cheese… those pigs would take it from me.”

Taking the cheese put of her pocket, she ripped some leaves off a near-by bush, wrapped the cheese in it, and stashed it in a shallow hole which she dug-out with her boots. To make sure nothing could dig the cheese up, she scavenged around for a large rock and dumped it on top of the hole. Little did she know she was being watched.

After stashing her cheese, she then boldly proceeded towards the Outlaws.

A pair of armoured Outlaws saw her first; one of them yelled, “Stop there! Come any closer and we’ll cut ya to pieces!”

“A’m here on an errand,” Steefie replied casually, walking closer. “Don’t go killin’ the messenger, beef-head.”

“Who sent you?” growled his companion.

“Well now, let me show you.” Steefie pulled out the pendant. She kept it close to her; as soon as the Outlaws realised whose pendant that was, she put it back. “I have a message for your boss, Loud Mouth Liam. Fancy takin’ me to ‘im?”

“Open the gates!” one of the armoured Outlaws yelled. “You idiots up in the turrets, escort the woman to Loud Mouth Liam!”

Steefie went to walk between the Outlaws, but she was grabbed by the one on the right. “You aint goin’ in there with any weapons, lady. Take ‘em off her!”

Steefie’s scabbards were roughly unbelted off of her, and so her throwing knives belt was taken from her too; as well as her bracers with her grappling claws. Once bare of weapons, she was shoved towards the gates like a shewn Meep. She felt vulnerable without her weapons; it didn’t cross her mind once, at all, that they’d take her weapons. She now felt a little nervous.

Steefie looked around and bared her teeth at the Outlaws. “Next time just ask me for ma weapons, ya creeps! And dun go breathin’ all over me, you aint got a fresh breath ya know, punks!”

Four Outlaws with rifles met Steefie at the open gates. “Git movin’ woman, we aint got all day ya know!”

Two of them prodded her in the back with their riffles, while the other two took the lead. “Be a little nicer, punk, or I’ll tell Tubbo what a rude pig you are.” Steefie snapped at the gruff escorts jabbing her.

!_S_T_E_E_F_!

“Cheese…?” Stranger was quite surprised to see ‘Steevie’ had buried a hunk of cheese… he was hoping she buried moolah, or maybe something nice and expensive. But cheese was okay, too.

Taking a bite out of the cheese, Stranger took a peek through his binoculars. “Interstin’… wonder what that thing is she showed those Outlaws…”

He continued to watch; the two armoured goons (‘Nailers’) stripped Steefie of her weapons; she didn’t seem to like this. “This aint bad cheese. Good thing too, ‘cause I’m hungry.”

Steefie was taken through the gates, which were shut soon after. There was no one left in the turrets. Only the Nailers were left outside the gates. Stranger was more that pleased that there were only two meat-heads between him and the gate…

!_S_T_E_E_F_!

The two Nailers talked, having nothing else to do; Fazz was the one on the left, and Tuzz was the guy on the right.

“Hey Fazz, tell your momma I left her the money on the kitchen table. If that little maggot of a brother you got pilfers it, I’ll rips his fingers off an’ shove ‘em up his arse!”

Fazz punched his companion in the face. “You bastard! You stay away from ma mamma, ya hear me! As for my brother, he’s already got two of his fingers ripped of by mamma’s pet slog.”

“You idiot! A’m talkin’ ‘bout the money for stitchin’ ma pants up. She fixed ‘em for five moolah!” Tuzz swung a punch at Fazz, only to miss and hit the wall. “Say you’re sorry, or I’ll rip your fingers off instead!”

“Alright, alright!” Fazz said waving his fists. “Sorry, jerk. Hey, what was that? I saw somethin’ movin’ in that grass over there!”

Tuzz trudged over to a clump of tall grass. “There aint nuthin’ here, bone-head.

Whomp! Thump!

Tuzz fell to the ground unconscious, and was sucked up into the grass. Fazz knew he wasn’t alone. There was definitely something in the tall grass.

“Uh… if anybody’s in that grass, come out new ‘fore I rip your face off!” Fazz watched the grass cautiously. “Or are ya too pussy?”

The was complete silence, and then…

Thud! FzZzT! Whomp!

Fazz fell to the ground, twitching from an electric charge from a Zappfly, and was blacked out after a Thudslug hit him between the eyes. Stranger ran out of his cover, and sucked the Outlaw into a container of sorts. This was where he stored any captured Outlaws; and why he could hand over so many at once for their bounty.

“I gots ta break down that gate ‘n’ find Loud Mouth Liam…” Stranger walked up to the big wooden gates, and let it have everything he had: head butts, some steel knuckles, and some more head butts. The gate was rotten, and broke after a bit of pommeling.

Behind the wall, there was a rectangular building with a court yard in the centre. The back wall of this building was attached to the side of the mountain. The rest of the forte was dug into the mountain itself.

“Time ta bag me some Outlaws again,” said Stranger, stepping through the broken gate; the nearest Outlaws were in the building, visible through the windows. “I hope this turns into a rescue mission. A’might get an extra reward, heh heh heh…”

!_S_T_E_E_F_!

Loud Mouth Liam wasn’t called “Loud Mouth” for any old reason; and he wasn’t just any motor-mouth. He was classified a V8 by his Outlaw goons. (a very profane V8 at that).

Steefie could hear the Outlaw’s voice echoing through the halls.

“… How many times dowa haveta tell ya’ll ta stop fart’n in ‘ere! Gowoutsiden’letet off! Theraint ‘xactly the best ventalashun system in ‘ere ya dirty, greasy, filthy, smelly lil’ bastards! Huh? Yeah wha’ev’r – wait! No –no, yeah! Nah, ah it! Jus’ git it ready. ‘Ave heard that lil’ skank’s got sumthin’ secret tha’ Tubbo Lard’s blackmailin’ her with. Har har har… I wish ah had somthin’ ta blackmail a chick with. Oh waazat? Bringer in! An’ don’t let ‘er drink all mah grog! I need ta loot ‘nuther pub or somethin’… ah don’t have much left. Iffin she asks, she can onla have some ‘o that crap you lot cal ‘water’.”

Steefie and her annoying little party of goons entered into a large chamber. The place was lit up with several lamps running of a generator. The place was not exactly bright, and Steefie found it very difficult to see.

Liam was sitting on top of a very tall chair with a mega phone in one hand. He was dressed in some punk-arse studded leather outfit; a whip in one hand, and his megaphone in the other. The Outlaw was tall but fat (not as fat as Tubbo), and like all Outlaws that Steefie had seem, was not pleasing to the eye.

Steefie was greeted by Liam in a rather disgusting manner. He leant forward, put the megaphone to his filthy mouth, and burped so loud that Steefie felt her insides vibrate.

“Why dontcha just shove that megaphone up your mega-arse.” Steefie said in disgust.

“Watchya mouth womun!” Liam shouted back. “You dun go insultin’ me or I’ll tear yer nostrils open! Now, whataya doin’ ‘ere agin?”

Steefie sent the Outlaws who had been prodding her with their guns flying with a kick from each boot without turning around; then she thrust the other two aside with her arms.

“I’m here on business from Tubbo. I gots a message ta give ya… but it’s for your ears only…” Steefie didn’t think Liam would be stupid enough to let her talk to him alone; but she thought he might instead at least tell everyone to nick off except for a few body guards.

“Tubbo, aye…” Loud Mouth didn’t like the idea of Tubbo sending a personal message. He sounded very careful. “Hmph! If he has somethin’ ta say to me, he can have it said in front of my gang too!”

“You sure…?” Steefie said a little suss. She decided to try plan B, since the first one didn’t work that well.

“hah?” Liam sounded confused, and a little unsure. “Whadorya mean ‘ya sure’?”

“Well,” Steefie continued in a suss voice. “…it’s a little, how shall ah put it… personal?”

“Wha!?… Euh, whaza…”

“In utha words, Liam, it’d probly embarrass ya.”

Plan B seemed to be taking effect. Well, it was, until…

“Your arse is mine pal; drop the whip, or I’ll drop you.”

Steefie didn’t have to look over her shoulder to know who it was… she knew it was “Bob” (aka Stranger).

“Who the hell’s this guy!” Liam yelled angrily at his goons. “And why the hell is he in ma forte! Get ‘im boys! No one threat’n’s me like that an’ gets ‘way withit!”

The scene became total anarchy. Stranger quickly vacuumed up the two Outlaws that Steefie had kicked earlier, then quickly dodged the scores of bullets being shot at him as a welcoming gift. Steefie hit the deck, not wanting to be caught in the cross-fire.

“Blast it!” she cursed to herself. “He just had to show his face ‘round here, didn’t ‘e!”

Steefie crawled up to a long dining table; she went under it, and took refuge behind a large wooden table leg. Stranger was stirring the Outlaws up, like angry bees.

“screw it,” Steefie muttered to herself. “He aint getting’ Liam ‘fores I do.”

Steefie crouched and ran further under the table; bumping into another table leg. “Shit! Stupid table leg…”

The table ran lengthways across the chamber, and Liam’s chair was on the other side; however the table was very sturdy, and provided good cover; especially since it was covered it a large (but very dirty) tablecloth which nearly touched the ground.

She wasn’t sure where Liam had run off, so she tried to listen for his loud mouth. She groped the floor, preventing herself from head-butting another table leg.

An unlucky Outlaw who was running beside the table with Stranger hot on his tail, suddenly disappeared under the table cloth. There was the sound of beating, a yelp, and a few bone-cracking sounds, and then the Outlaw was flung out the other side.

“What the…” Stranger peeked under the table; only to be greeted with a fist to the face.

Steefie tried to drag him under and beat him up, but he wasn’t a pussy Outlaw and instead dragged her out. “What tha hell doya think yur doin’ punchin’ me!” he growled close to her face.

“How the hell was ah supposed to know it was you! And besides, I think you deserved tha’ one; looket the chaos yew stirr’d up!” Steefie couldn’t make out Stranger’s face; it was all a grey blur to her.

“whata y lookin’ at?” Stranger asked, obviously somehow offended by the way Steefie was unknowingly looking at him. “I don’t know,” she said, and suddenly realised how offensive that sounded. “What ah mean is I can’t see! It’s too dark or sumthin’. Hey wait a tick…”

Steefie grabbed at Stranger’s face, nearly gouging his eyes out, and forced his mouth open, and sniffed his breath. “I smell cheese!”

Stranger shot a couple of Outlaws with Thudslugs, knocking them off a rafter; they hit the ground with a thump, dieing. “Haven’t you got betta things ta do than rape ma face woman!”

Steefie was growing extremely furious. “…That smells like my cheese…” she said so calmly but menacingly, it would have made anyone else wet their pants.

And Outlaw gunner shot several darts at Stranger, but instead they lodged themselves in Steefie’s back. In one motion, Steefie spun around, performing a sort of round-house kick, ripping off a table leg with such force it flew in the general direction of the attackers; she heard a pleasing crunch, and gave out a loud roar, before turning to Stranger.

“You ate ma cheese!” She growled.

Stranger ducked some more projectiles, and shot down a few more Outlaws. Steefie also managed to crown another Outlaw who was stupid enough to come with arm’s distance.

“It was free game – ya left it under a rock.” Stranger protested, taking a couple of steps back.

Steefie reached under the table, pulling out an Outlaw and threw him into a large pillar. “I didn’t jus’ ‘leave’ it under no rock… I stashed it, for later! You ate ma Cheese!”

“It was jus’ some cheese!” Stranger said, shooting at and killing two more Outlaws coming up behind Steefie. “Ya don’ have ta have a big psyche-up ‘bout it!”

Steefie stepped forward, and Stranger stepped back. “I like cheese!” She growled again, like it was something so obvious Stranger must have been as thick as two short planks to not know this.

Stranger had the feeling Steefie was getting close to knocking his block off. “If ya that upset ‘bout it, I’ll just buy ya some new cheese!” he said in an effort to make her calm down. Surprisingly, it worked; but maybe a little too much too well.

Steefie, who was crouched forward with her hands in tight fists, suddenly arms wide open; and paused, with an excited look on her face. “Ya will Bob!?” She asked, as excited as she looked. Although to Stranger she actually looked a little scary (in a strange psychotic-woman-on-drugs-maybe type of scary).

“What ever calms you down…”

Steefie jumped forward and crushed Stranger in a bear-hug, squeezing the breath out of him. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” She said joyfully.

Thinking that Steefie was indeed attacking Stranger, three Outlaws jumped up on the table, and were about to shoot him when they were knocked off their feet. Steefie had spun Stranger around (in some sort of ‘happy-I’m-gonna-have-cheese-ye-haw!’ spin), catching the table cloth on his armour, reefing it out from under their feet and at the same time getting tangled.

Steefie lost her balance and fel over, taking Stranger down with her. That’s when they heard Liam’s voice. “Ha ha ha! Get ‘em boys, I don’ care if that gal’s deaded, s’long as ya kill that Stranger!”

Oddly enough, the pair seemed to have wiped out the Outlaws while arguing.

Stranger looked over his shoulder; from a small side corridor, two Outlaws walked out… with dynamite strapped to their backs. One grabbed a torch out of its bracket and lit the dynamite’s fuse on his and his companion’s backs.

“Aw shit…” Stranger hated those little freaks; they thought they were all tough with their dynamite and a stupid little alarm clock strapped to themselves. The only problem was those little freaks were very dangerous freaks, and posed a real threat.

The pair of Outlaws ran madly towards Stranger and Steefie like wind-up-toys on speed. Stranger worked frantically to get untangled; what made things harder was that Steefie seemed to be out cold, and she was limp as fresh road-kill.

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon!” Stranger said wriggling out of the tangle, whilst trying not to squash Steefie. He got out just in time; he grabbed the cloth that Steefie was still wrapped in, and swung it around, whacking the two Outlaws backwards.

Boom! Boom!

In quick procession, the two Outlaws blew up sending shrapnel everywhere (and blood and guts). Stranger had ducked under the table, but was still hit by the shock wave. He left Steefie under the table in the cloth, and crawled out. Luckily, no cave-in was triggered; or they’d be in real poo.

He shook himself, flinging dust and pieces or rock everywhere. “Guess tha’ Steevie shella really did come in handy… aza hamma, heh heh heh.”

Loud Mouth Liam spoke again; but Stranger couldn’t see him anywhere. “So ya got all ma boys, didja Stranger? Well, you aint see nuthin’ yet, ‘cause now am’ gonna come out there and kick yo arse!”

Liam’s silhouette appeared in the dust; he walked closer to Stranger; and stranger let loose with Stingbees. “Dead or alive, you’re commin’ with me Loud Mouth!”

Loud Mouth didn’t stop his advance. He was a bit more protected than Stranger had anticipated with his thick leather clothes. Liam unrolled his whip and cracked it; it wrapped around Stranger’s crass-bow arm.

“Damn what a bastard!” Strange said, pulling the whip like a tug-o-war for his arm. Liam didn’t look that strong, but he was strong enough to yank Stranger off-balance.

Liam was an up-close-and-personal type of person; he didn’t have any guns on him; only his whip, and megaphone, which he used to smack Stranger in the gut. Stranger gave Liam back some of his own, and ploughed his steel knuckles into his gut.

The pair wrestled, one-on-one, punching, kicking, head-butting (well Stranger did most of the head butting) and basically trying to knock the crap out of each other. Steefie, while all this was going on, was coming about.

“What tha… why am I wrapped up in a table cloth…?” She wriggled herself out, and took a few seconds to comprehend what was going on. She heard Stranger and Liam having a brawl. She decided to end it.

“You’ll have to take me dead, Stranger, ‘cause I aint – Eeyouch! My arse!” Liam jumped; something had stabbed him in the arse. He accidentally let go of his whip, and it Stranger was able to remove it from his arm.

Stranger looked over his shoulder, to see Steefie standing behind Liam… with a leg raised, most likely lodged in Liam’s arse.

“Ya goons may have taken ma hand held weapons,” Steefie removed her boot, grabbed Liam on one shoulder and spun him around. “But the idiots over looked likes my nice spiky boots.”

Steefie couldn’t see too well, but she aimed for where her instincts told her to kick.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-!” Liam screamed in pain; Steefie had used her spiky boot to kick him right between the legs. Then, she knocked him out with and upper-cut, and he fell to the ground.

Stranger now realised how lucky he was Steefie hadn’t gone and used her boots on him how she used them on Liam… “…Damn.” Is all he said, still stunned.

Steefie fell over backwards; not being able to see too well made her balance go hey-wire… and knocked herself out again.

“Tha’ girl’s a dang’r to herself.” Stranger sighed.

!_S_T_E_E_F_!

Steefie woke up; her vision was blurry, but it soon cleared. She suddenly got an itchy nose, and tried to scratch it… but she couldn’t move. “Whmmm mmm!”

She couldn’t talk either.

She looked around frantically; she appeared to have been bound by some sticky string or something similar, and was lying on her side. She had been gagged by the same stuff as well. It looked as though she was in an old barn – she was lying on hay, and there were crates scattered around. It was morning, and the light came in through the dirty windows and the skylight.

“Commin’ ‘round are we?”

Steefie twitched in surprise. She heard Stranger’s voice; it sounded close.

Stranger was sitting on a crate in the corner not far from Steefie. He got up and walked over to her and cut the sticky string away from her mouth so she could talk, and held up something shiny…

…It was the Tubbo’s pendant.

Steefie looked up at Stranger angrily. She saw that he was more than annoyed, and hoped he wouldn’t knock her teeth out or something.

Stranger crouched down and looked Steefie in the eyes. “You gots some explainin’ ta do…”

That’s the end of Chapter 2, Ladies and Gentlesteefs!