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I can see what you mean, but you have to bear in mind that meeting demands, no matter how small or big, can and will trigger a chain reaction. Other terrorists will hear about the other guys success and then decide to try and do the same thing but with higher demands. Then the US won't do anything and the victim gets killed. Then what is the gain?
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The lives you initially saved. That's the gain. It's still far better than doing nothing.
Constantly giving in to demands could be inferred as a sign of weakness. Showing initiative with diplomacy would, at least I think, not. It might even heal US/Extremist relations somewhat. I do not believe that negotiations would set of a chain reaction. I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree on this subject.
All I'm saying is that we need to review each case as a possibility for negotiation. Letting our people die without an attempt to save them is an awful crime.