You're not using any advice given to you. Just by looking at how the story is put together I just don't want to read it. No use of capitals, way to many comas.
Don't get fixated on getting the chapter out, it will be of much more use if you get a READABLE chapter out. Cuz I'm realy not jumping in the air to read this stuff right now...
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The Oddworld Wiki
When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion.
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