[Sydney]

Regarding "Gays can change," I found this text written by a supposed ex-homosexual who people attempted to straighten. It's from www.fallwell.com , a site I stumbled upon after mistyping the address of the Falwell Ministries website.

I was in an ex-gay ministry, and here is my story.

I knew growing up that I was gay (or at least suspected). I imagined intimacy with males from age 6 on and was surprised when I found out about straight sex at age 12. It did not seem natural to me.

My only experiences with gayness was occasional negative glimpses on the TV. Either the character was evil, a murderer, or dying of AIDS.

Worse, I grew up a Mormon and was taught that homosexuality was equivalent to murder and was the third greatest sin. I figured that prayer and obedience would fix my feelings. I had committed no sin, and hopefully it would go away.

When I was 19, I decided to go on a mission. I still had not told anyone about my feelings, so the Church sent me to France on a missionary assignment.

I had to live with male companions for twenty-four hours a day. The Mormon Church is so obsessed with sex that they even tell missionaries to stand outside the bathroom door to make sure their ministry companion is not committing self-abuse, or masturbation.

I had extremely close relationships with my companions except, of course, for intimate acts.

But my feelings that I was a homosexual increased. I worked, fasted, prayed, and read scriptures, but this did not improve things.

I started feeling my faith slip away. If my homosexuality was a test from God, it was awfully cruel and daunting.

No other missionary I knew was having such a difficult problem to overcome a "test" from God.

When I was 21, I had stomach problems and left my mission a month early. I went to a doctor back in the states who said my illness was caused by stress.

I went to a psychiatrist and told him that I felt I was gay, and he told me to confront the Church.

Next, I went to the Bishop and told him. He was shocked and sent me to a Mormon psychiatrist who was associated with Evergreen, the Mormon Church's equivalent to Exodus International.

He said that my problem with homosexuality was due to a lack of self control.

The psychiatrist told me not to masturbate. He claimed that it would only make me more homosexual.

He commanded me to pray fervently (as though I hadn't done this!), hang around straight men, play sports, and sing hymns in my head.

This did not help, so he suggested hypnosis, but the thoughts continued.

We then started aversion therapy. He told me to imagine pictures of maggots and sores invading my skin anytime I thought of men sexually.

The psychiatrist was getting frustrated at me at this point because I wasn't changing from gay to straight. He said that I was not doing enough.

Back at Church, somehow the word got out that I was gay.

I was not longer allowed to be around children, prepare sacraments, or even pray in the church.

People became scared of me. Longtime friends refused to associate with me any longer.

The psychiatrist at this point told me to try electroshock therapy. He said in severe cases like mine it was the only way. I refused.

Then, the Church excommunicated me.

Even though they knew I had done nothing sexual, they put me on trial and questioned me.

They asked me questions about sexual acts that I had never even heard of. I was shocked.

Seven years ago, I finally accepted the fact that I am a gay man and that there is nothing wrong with me. I am so glad I have because my life is so much better than ever before.

Sadly, a friend who was enrolled in the same ex-gay ministry committed suicide after 2 years of electroshock.

He had burns on his arms where they would shock him for showing sexual response to pictures.

They even had him get married and have children in an effort to become heterosexual.

Instead, he was visiting parks and alleys for sex.

He injected himself with drugs and left behind two beautiful young daughters.

I could have been him.

Now, I have a friend who is enrolled in an ex-gay program called Evergreen. He was in Love in Action, but that didn't work. None of it does.

I see him on the same road as me and my dead friend. Hopefully, he will realize that people like Jerry Falwell are just plain wrong.

Most sadly, one of the things I lost was a faith in God.

I could not understand the hatred and discrimination brought upon gay people by individuals who are supposed to be Christian and loving.