[Rex Tirano]

A couple of weeks ago a guy-friend asked me what was the whole thing about women and dolphins. I didn't know what he was talking about. What "thing?" He looked sort of sly and embarrassed and half-smiled and said something like "you know...how dolphins are like, kind of sexual, to women?" I had never heard of this before. He said that when he went to the sex toy store he'd seen a ton of dolphin-themed sex toys designed for women. And he said women always seemed to really like the dolphin image. He figured it was the bottlenose. I don't know, maybe. Maybe Dolphins look like one giant, sleek, muscular, undulating, marine dwelling penis. I had never thought about it before. I figured everyone liked Dolphins because they have that friendly looking smile and the squeaky laugh, and they look playful and stuff.

Turns out Dolphins are the asshole frat dudes of the ocean who, although very attractive, are also bullies and will gang up on sharks and on other dolphins. Groups of young male dolphins will surround a young female and harass her.

Anyway, did you all know this sexual use of the dolphin? Did anyone else ever think it was gross and weird in Greek mythology when Gods disguised themselves as animals and raped women? Women were raped left and right back then and that was horrible but it really gets you thinking about how horrifying and bewildering it would be if a freaking SWAN started coming on to you! What a nightmare.

- Rexy