[Nate]

Some people have suggested alternative punishments (yelling, timeout...). My problem is that I have no idea what should be done after all those have failed.

I agree with Havoc that, if done right, spanking is an effective form of discipline that will not harm a child physically or psychologically. That said, I think there are few people in the world capable of doing it right. So on the whole, I come out against spanking.

My father was definately one of those who didn't explain what was wrong. He would sometimes even add insult to injury by doing it in public.

One of the worst things you can do is be inconsistent with punishments. Sometimes Dad would spank and sometimes not. Sometimes he would even tell me he was going to spank me (which would be enough to drive me to tears) and then just give me a small pat on the arse. Which was humiliating because I had cried about nothing. He still defends himself over the time that he was spanking me over something minor and my sister stepped in to defend me. He immediately dropped me and gave her the worst spanking she had ever received - in my place.

I certainly did grow up fearing my father. I remember one time when I had done something minor and he caught me lieing about it. He couldn't understand that I would lie to him to avoid being spanked when he wasn't planning on punishing me anyway; he couldn't understand that I couldn't predict what was a punishable offence and what wasn't because he had been so inconsistent all my life.

Also parents should never use any hitting implements (belt, shoes) because it is completely impersonal. Plus, it's good for the child to know that the parent also hurts themselves (ie their hands) when they're being spanked.

In any case, I hold no grudge any longer against my father about that. But it is a major factor (along with his other bad parenting, which I won't go into here) in why we have virtually no relationship at all.