Change your accent every 3 seconds. I did this a year ago when I did a crank call to this restaurant it was very funny. 
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The trouble with real life is that there's no danger music.
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now.
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff. -- Jack Handy
That stuff only happens in the movies. -- Famous Last Words
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