And the fluff and sickening sappiness takes centre stage! Hurray for fluff!
All hail and bow to the almighty fluff!
Worst Jokes EVER!
Bailey yawned and had to drag herself out of sleep. She rubbed her cheek on the soft, warm thing she was leaning on. It took her a second to process that the thing was rhythmically rising and falling and had a heartbeat thumping next to her ear, which she found strangely comforting.
Strangely… Stranger…must be Stranger she was leaning on. Bailey curbed the habit of stretching her arms, she didn’t think Stranger would appreciate getting clouted under the chin.
Instead she made herself comfortable and waited for Stranger to wake up by himself, and she couldn’t say that she wasn’t enjoying the cuddle she was getting. She hadn’t been cuddled since she’d been about three years old…
Bailey rested her forehead against Stranger’s poncho, lightly tracing the patterns on the stiff leather surface with the tip of one finger. Stranger stirred in his sleep but didn’t come round, only tightened his hold on Bailey, muttered something unintelligible and continued snoring. Bailey stifled laughter and turned her attention to the short, pale brown fur covering Stranger’s arms, running her fingers through it and pressing it to her cheek. Stranger’s snoring stopped and was replaced by a deep, vibrating purr even though he was still sound asleep.
Bailey smiled. She knew she was safe here. She knew Stranger would protect her and she let out a breath of relief. She curled up to the bounty hunter and drifted into a light doze.
¤§¤
Stranger stirred into the world of the waking just as the sun was rising. The bounty hunter yawned widely, treating anyone watching (not that there was anyone watching) to a good long look at a mouthful of sharp teeth, two particular canines of which looked suspiciously like they’d been filed down…
Stranger looked down at the small human he was still holding and smiled to himself, as cute as she looked while she was sleeping it was time for them to move on.
“Bailey.” Bailey stirred but instead of waking up she snuggled closer to Stranger’s heartbeat and the hand draped on his forearm twitched in the fur,
“Nuh uh.” Came the mumbled answered, “Just five more minutes, I’m comfy.” Bailey moaned.
“We havta git going Bailey, c’mon kid.” Bailey frowned,
“When I wuz awake you wuz sleepin’.” She grumbled. Stranger chuckled, Bailey could feel it shaking in his ribs. “Stop laughin’.” She complained half-heartedly.
“Yer don’t havta fake sleepin’ just ta get a cuddle, yer only havta ask.” Stranger was hoping that this comment would get Bailey up and arguing, so he got a shock when Bailey let out a satisfied sigh and cuddled closer.
“Then I want one now, I’ll just go back to sleep.”
“Oh no yer don’t, up, now.” Stranger stood, Bailey in his arms. She protested groggily before opening one eye and glaring at him.
“Meanie.” She muttered. Stranger grinned and set her on her feet. Bailey stretched and mussed her hair sleepily. “Where’s that hat gone now.” She muttered to herself as she strapped on all of her arsenal and wiggled into the poncho, shoving the thick gloves and scarf into her belt pouch and pulling on the fingerless gloves.
“Yer mean this?” came the deceptively innocent voice of Stranger. Bailey turned and narrowed her eyes at Stranger, twirling her hat in his claws and smirking.
“Aww, gimme me hat Stranger.” Bailey sighed. Stranger came closer, just to remind Bailey that she only just came up to his elbow.
“What yer gonna do if I don’t?” he asked mischievously. Bailey tapped her chin, mockingly thoughtful.
“Hmmm, now let me think.” She suddenly brightened, “I know, how about this?” Bailey threw her arms around Stranger’s middle and gave him a hug. Stranger was so surprised he dropped Bailey’s hat and she caught it, put the cord around her neck and hung the hat on her back. She grinned. “Bailey, one. Stranger, zero.” She remarked. Stranger folded his arms, narrowed his eyes and shook his head slightly.
“Lil’ varmint…” he muttered, then, “C’mon squirt. Let’s go.” He said finally, Bailey nodded and followed Stranger out of the cavern, pulling her hat onto her head to shade her eyes from the early sun.
“So where we headed Stranger?”
“North.” Came the simple reply.
“Alrighty then.” Bailey shrugged. Stranger set off at an easy lope, Bailey trotting to keep up,
“Er, Stranger?”
“Hello?”
“Whadda we do if anyone puts together that I’m on the Wanted posters?”
“We run like tha clappers.”
“Is that
it?
That’s your strategy?”
“Well if yer can come up with somethin’ better I’m all fer hearin’ it.” Bailey grunted, “Exactly as I thought, cheer up Bailey, hey, did I eva tell yer the one about the broken pencil?” Bailey blinked stupidly at the sudden change of subject,
“Er…”
“It had no point!” Bailey stared at Stranger for a second.
“Did you…just tell me a really bad joke?” she asked incredulously, Stranger grinned. “Stranger that has to have been one of the worst jokes I ever heard!” Stranger grinned more broadly.
“How d’yer make a tissue dance?” he asked slyly, Bailey gaped at him in complete shock, Stranger was telling her
jokes!? “Put some bogie in it!”
Back in the Birdington gate guard tower the Clakker (who’d been sleeping on the job) awoke with a squawk and fell off his chair as he clearly heard Bailey’s horror-struck voice across the desert…
“Oh
NO!”
¤§¤
By the end of the day Bailey knew for a fact that the only jokes Stranger knew were the bad ones. What was more worrying was that Stranger knew they were amongst the worse jokes ever told, and relish the fact.
“You just like tormenting me don’t ya.” Bailey finally accused. Stranger put on a completely unconvincing mortally offended expression and placed a hand on his heart.
“Me? Torment yer? How could you think such a thing kid?” Bailey scowled and Stranger grinned and before Bailey could stop him; “A coupla strings go into a bar, and ask for a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, I don't serve your kind here, yer just a couple of strings!" One of the strings ties his ends together and says, "Frayed knot!" Get it? Frayed knot? Oh wait, maybe that's not how it goes, it's...hey, wait! Come back!” But Bailey had already taken off in absolute horror, bolting down the canyon they had been walking through. Stranger grinned ferally and followed, dropping down to all fours and charging after the human.
“I can’t take it anymore!” Bailey wailed, “I’m gonna go crazy with all these bad jokes!” she had had quite enough of Stranger’s rotten jokes. Of course she wasn’t really trying to get away from Stranger, she knew he’d catch her up, but at least she’d get a short reprieve before the next joke from hell.
Suddenly Bailey felt the ground vibrating beneath her. She skidded to a halt and turned in confusion, just in time to see Stranger running at breakneck speed, in the strangest pace Bailey had ever come across – using all four of his limbs, fail to put on the brakes and careen right into her, sending them both flying. They rolled over several times before coming to a stop in a tangled pile of confusion.
“Owie.” Muttered Bailey, a pause, then; “Okay, so what you do that for?”
“Yer ain’t gittin’ away from me again
that easily.” Stranger growled, but it wasn’t a threatening growl, and then he ruffled Bailey’s hair fondly.
“I wasn’t trying to get away from you, you dolt, just those hideous jokes you seem to have an unlimited supply of.” Bailey argued. She groaned, “Oh this hurts…” she muttered, she twisted to free herself from the jumbled pile of herself and Stranger, “Ow, ow, ow.” She muttered but managed to free herself and flopped onto her back.
A minute later a shadow fell over her face, Bailey squinted up at Stranger.
“What do you want?” she asked. Stranger grinned.
“How d’yer keep a moron in suspense?” There was a long pause, in which Stranger’s grin widened by a few molars.
“Oh I so hate you right now.” Bailey glared. Stranger tilted his head to one side,
“Funny that, I don’t hate you at the moment.” Bailey sat up and sighed, covering her face with her hands. There was a silence until Bailey said,
“I didn’t mean that…I don’t hate you.” Came her voice, muffled by her fingers, “I hate those jokes.” Stranger chuckled. “Stranger?”
“Yes?” Bailey dropped her hands and looked over her shoulder at the bounty hunter.
“How the hell did you do
that?”
“Do what?” asked Stranger, cocking his head to one side, eyes questioning. Bailey was surprised to find that he wasn’t half as intimidating with that expression. Closer to completely adorably in fact. Bailey inwardly howled with laughter. Stranger? Adorable? That was majorly screwed up…
“That, that
thing. You know, that…well running I guess. It was bizarre whatever it was.”
“Oh that…er…” Stranger petered off and scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. Bailey watched him curiously. Finally he shrugged. “C’mon, we need to find someplace to camp.” He added quickly changing the subject.
“Awww, but I’m tired, why can’t we stay here?” Bailey gestured the sheer canyon walls around them. Stranger looked around and shook his head,
“No, it’s too good a place fer an ambush. C’mon kid, just a bit further, I promise.” Bailey rose grudgingly.
“D’you remember when you said that and we didn’t stop for
three hours?”
“That only happened once.” Stranger protested.
“Exactly, so it’s well overdue for another incident isn’t it?” Bailey said, with a look on her face liked she just proved an irrefutable point. Stranger sighed, swept Bailey in his arms and began walking. Bailey blinked a couple of times before crossing her arms and pouting. “That wasn’t the cue for you to carry me.” She muttered.
Stranger chuckled.
¤§¤
Finally Stranger found a place that he liked and he and Bailey set up camp, Bailey roasting the two edible lizards she’d won in the poker game.
And later, for the first time since they’d met Stranger and Bailey didn’t sleep on opposite sides of the fire.
As Stranger was making himself comfortable, lying on his back and gazing at the dark, star-studded sky, Bailey crept round to him and snuggled up to his side, using his shoulder as a pillow. Stranger was surprised but after some hesitation he put an arm around the small human, gently playing with her hair.
“I’ll make you a deal.” Bailey said at last, Stranger looked down at her,
“Oh really? An’ what might tha’ be?”
“I’ll let you play with my hair as much as you want, if you try and cut out the snoring.” Stranger froze momentarily in surprise.
“I snore?”
“Like a rusty chainsaw.” Snickered Bailey. Stranger was quiet for a moment,
“Alright.” He murmured eventually. Bailey made a sleepy affirmative sound and dropped off to sleep, putting an arm across Stranger’s stomach as she did so. Stranger smiled to himself and continued stroking Bailey’s hair.