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  #37  
08-10-2005, 01:24 PM
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Splat
Chameleonic Lifeforms, No Thanks!
 
: Oct 2002
: Merrie olde Englande
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That was alright, though I would suggest if you do rewrite that he smacks some of the slogs with a bone, maybe be kills one to distract the others. If the slig had to leave the room while the slogs were eating he wouldn't notice and would of course help Larry out at the end of the feeding, if somewhat reluctantly. Knowing slogs there probably wouldn't be a massive amount of scraps keft from previous meals! Still, it's your story. You said you were unhappy and that would be my suggestion.

But it was once again, well written, good emotions, you did a good job of capturing the image of Larry hudling away in the corner watching the slog that could at any moment turn on him. Twas good. Keep going!
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