[Facsimile]

Everybody does it? How DARE you infer that I look at/think of naked women and touch myself.

That was a lame attempt at sarcasm, btw. Talking about/admitting to masturbation is not a common topic for myself, but it's come up numerous times. Mainly when I'm telling the story of my twisted testicle. Sure, I may attempt to use the term "crossed my legs wrong" as a shifty attempt to divert attention from the truth, but I doubt a soul doesn't see through that. Hell, even I can't help but smile/start laughing.

So that's a fair warning, people (guys). If you're doing the deed with yourself, the twins inside your scrotum aren't safe. And no, it wasn't like the fast and the furious, either. A couple of girls asked me about that, and I replied it was more of an "andante." Because we need more musical tempo references to describe self gratification in the world.

Oh I've heard about that whole twisted testicle deal. Did you get it before it got too bad and had to be removed? Because one of my mother's friend's son's (dog's uncle's) didn't get it early enough.