Your off to a good start as sliguy mentioned you might want to space your chapters or story into paragraphs so it's easier for people to read and give you feedback.
Also I merged your first thread together with the second part of your story so its easier for people to read and you to update your story with future installments. This also makes things less cluttered and organized. So for your future updates just post in this one and welcome to the forums! =)
Sincerley, Al
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