This is an interesting story. I look forward to the next installment.
If I could make one suggestion, however ...
The dialogue between Tealos and Salamander was hard to follow. Not because of what was said, but the format in which you wrote it. Putting two different ends of a conversation into one paragraph can be a little disorienting, and it detracts from the feel of the story when you have to decide who just said what...
Here's what I mean:
"Hey!" Bob said. "Oh, hi!" Joe replied. "How are you?" "Well, I'm not feeling too well," Bob answered. "The doctor said I have cancer!" "Oh, bad luck," Joe sighed.
"Hey!" Bob said.
"Oh, hi!" Joe replied. "How are you?"
"Well, I'm not feeling too well," Bob answered. "The doctor said I have cancer!"
"Oh, bad luck," Joe sighed.
Do you see what I'm trying to say?
But in any case, this story is shaping up well. Keep it up!
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