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It's better, but still needs improvment.
You need to work on grammar.
You still need the character development. Why was Sean running? What are his motives?
There's also some spelling errors.
But it's better. Also, no need to make a new thread, you could've just posted this in the old one.  |
I completely agree with all of this. I will admit your story has improved since you first posted it, but you still have issues with grammar. Character development is one of the most important parts of a fanfic as well.
Just fix all of that, and the story will be even better.
Also, you posted, like, 2 or 3 threads based on this one story. Just use the edit button at the bottom of your post and you can fix the errors that way.