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  #21  
02-13-2005, 05:31 AM
Kimon
Outlaw Mortar
 
: Jan 2005
: Brooklyn
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It's a good story, but I have a few gripes. Sure you can identify with the character, but I don't think the races are portrayed as they should be. A prime example is in the first chapter when a slig says "Marn, you incompetent fool!" Now what kind of slig would
A) know the name of one of the slaves, and
B) know what incompetent means.

I think it would be more fitting to have a slig saying something like "You dumbass!" or "What a retard!" or something. But that is just my 'constructive criticism.

Other than that, I think it's a really cool story, so keep up the good work!
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