Finally I read all this stuff, Dan. Actually I finished it a couple of days ago, but didn't have time to reply.
First, the complains: the story has many characters, that is not a bad thing, but not all of them are developed enough, so that you can recognize them instantly. One of them, for instance, is called Meet, and although he appears early in the first chapter, I only knew he was a gabbit in chapter 28! Maybe you knew all the time, but forgot to mention that
. A suggestion: If you're going to use a character only once, maybe it wouldn't need a name, at all.
Now, the plot: It is a very good one. You kept the suspense since the begining, though I was lost some times because of the many parallel subplots, but nothing that a carefull re-read could solve. Another suggestion: it would be better not to change between side-plots all the time. Before going from one to another, you could develop one in depth, first.
The story created some strong images in my mind. The Great Forest, as I told you in another topic, is awesome, and guess what a big coincidence, when I first read about the kilometric trees and the huge fungus in the floor, I imagined a scene where a character, maybe a villian, would fall to death in one chapter, only to be back again after being saved by the huge fungus
. I like your idea of a Mudokon King and how you gave him a very solid personality. The whole "void" God spirit is one of my favorite parts.
Overall, it is a great job. would you mind sending me the chapters you have so far? I'd realy like to read them!
