This is really good! Great plot. Your writing is really good, you've really developed the characters well. Keep it going.
Just work on your punctuation and paragraphing a bit. Take some time, it doesn't have to all happen in a second. Like when Marn first entered the craft, stop for a few seconds to describe what it's like, what it looks like, whats in the room. What the floor and walls look like, their colour, texture, what they're made of. Good description is what really brings the story uot, helps you picture whats going on in your head.
Apart from that, its really great.
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