[TheRaisin]

Karma kicks ass!

Is this synesthesia of which you speak, N Dogg? I'm certainly familiar with it. But LSD has similar effects, hence my joke about the paranoid "can't touch the word 'bee'!" guy. One must admit, it's hilarious.

I would say my girl falling in love with some other guy isn't so much an irrational fear as a practically given eventuality. Perhaps the chances of this would be diminished if she had any idea of how I feel about her. I'll never have a chance unless I actually take the chance, but I want it to be perfect. Somehow, "Hey, I like you and if you give me a couple months I'm going to get really cut and handsome and you'll find me attractive and maybe wish to go out with me then?" just doesn't sound right. My fear of rejection and the social conditioning that's practically a mandate if you're an American has created the irrational fear in my mind that the party in the second part won't see beyond my outer appearance. This, of course, is bullshit. She's the most intelligent, sweetest, nonnjudgmental person I've ever known, and if she rejected me it would not be because of my appearance. But one self-realized truth can't outweigh a decade and a half of less than subliminal suggestion, and, alas, I can't get past the shortcomings of my physical form. I hope Weight Training will help.

Jacob, I feel your pain. Well not really. But I sympathize.