[Splat]

New chapter!

Chapter 4


Abe
From the off I knew it was gonna be a very long trip! It started the morning we were set to leave when Splat and Munch both overslept and it took us an hour to work out where they were (Pretty stupid of me really: it’s not the first time). Next it was Splat insisting we took a ton of random stuff that he’d nicked from the glukkons and didn’t bother telling us what any of it was! Stupid Splat.
Alf kept going on about the amount of food and drink we were taking despite everyone screaming it was just extra weight. Eventually he said that we could take what we wanted "And if you go hungry it’s your own fault!" Stupid Alf.
15 minutes before we were gonna leave Bigface announced that he wasn’t going with us and had never said he would and we shouldn’t make assumptions and he would "be needed in the village" and so on and so forth. Stupid Bigface.
On the other hand he did agree to lend us a bunch of elums. Just when things were looking up Munch announced that he couldn’t ride an elum and never had been able to and why didn’t anyone ever think of him and so on. Stupid Munch.
Then Splat started yelling at Munch that he was always getting in the way and that he was no real help anyway and he didn’t know why we kept him around. Munch started yelling that Splat was a four legged freak and had the IQ of a slurg. He also told Splat that he was so brain-dead that he’d probably wished for something really stupid and pointless like a pack of fire flumps! This seemed to be a bad thing to say cause Splat flew into a rage, punched Munch in the nose and flew out onto the desert and sat down on a rock to wait for us to catch up. He had a long wait: we had to go find Bigface (who seemed to have run off again for some reason) and get him to fix Munch’s broken nose (though it looks like Splat sneaked back to the village while we were looking for Bigface and got himself more supplies cause it later turned out he had more than Alf!)
Alf’s omnipotent being had disappeared by the morning when we went to look for it, leaving nothing but a list of instructions for the quest, squashing are hopes of it coming with us to help. Stupid Omnipotent Being.

Munch
"Come on Splat, we’ve been at it all day."
"No."
"But I didn’t bring any!"
"Well that’s your own stupid fault isn’t it! Now get lost and quit bothering me!"
"But-"
"No."
"But-"
Splat made an obscene gesture (which in my opinion was totally unnecessary) and I gave up, deciding to make an attempt on Alf’s food instead.
"Get the Hell away from my food Munch."
"Right you are!"
I gave up, hungry and tired and feeling very spiteful to the desert and everything in it.
It was around 10 PM and we’d been walking since 11 in the morning. We’d spent the whole day hiking across the desert north of the village without a single break until now. I guess they were all still angry about the whole elum thing. Well it’s hardly my fault is it! I for one blame Bigface for not being more considerate of other people’s needs. Either way, I spent the whole day listening to Alf muttering about under-efficient glukkons and Abe cursing everything that he passed and that passed him. Splat had hardly spoken all day; Odd knows what’d got him so upset. This wasn’t officially a bad thing as it meant I didn’t have to listen to his monotonous voice all day.
An hour later Splat informed us that we all had tents in our backpacks that would repel animals in the night. I thought at first that Splat might actually have done something right for once when it turned out the thing STANK!!! The mudokons apparently couldn’t smell it: once again, mudokons being inconsiderate to the needs of other people (namely me)!
On the other hand it turned out that Splat, being part scrab and part paramite, could also smell it: HA, STICK THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SNORT IT SPLAT!!! NOT SO HIGH AND MIGHTLY NOW!!!
After lying in the tent for a few minutes I tried to make a little nighttime conversation. "So, what’d you wish for Abe?"
After about 5 seconds, Abe answered with: "There are a lot of mudokons out there: a little more appreciation and a little less attention would be nice." Whatever that’s supposed to mean.
"Alf?"
Alf sighed. "Stocks are low and so are customers: never thought I’d say this but Munch was right!"
"I can’t remember saying that."
"Don’t you remember? It’s what you told me to get me to hold that talent show so you could get Splat back in."
"Oh yeah, that was a great show, wasn’t it?"
There was a grunt, a snort and the sound of a tent opening. "Did you guys here that snorting? It sounded like some sort of animal…I can’t see anything out there."
"That was me Abe," Alf said, blatantly.
"Oh." There was an awkward pause then Abe went on, "What about you Munch? What did you ask for?"
"150 baby gabbits screaming for attention take up a lot of your day. David is great but there’s only so much a mudokon can do in the line of looking after baby gabbits. All I want is a little extra help at the job."
There was a silence following this, which I broke by asking: "What about you Splat? What was it thing you asked for?"
"Shut up Munch or I’ll break your nose again."
I was about to retaliate but Alf stopped me. "Don’t take the bait Munch," He said sagely, "The kid’s going through puberty."
I sighed. "It probably was something stupid," I muttered under my breath. Stupid mudokons.






One of those days, huh?