[Splat]

Searge: You're back!!! Where ya been?

Anyway, I promised Monday and now it's Tuesday. I blame Politics! Either way, I promised to post so here it is. The first few sentences should be familiar to you! (especially if you've read chapter 1 of Splat recently).


Chapter 1

Abe
"You know the drill. I go to mine/factory. I infiltrate mine/factory. I BLOW UP mine/factory. And nowadays either Splat or Munch (and occasionally both of them (shudder)) follow me to… "help".
"So I either have Munch running around almost getting himself killed every 30 seconds and complaining at me 24/7 or Splat buzzing along getting in my way every time I try to open a portal or possess a slig. And then sometimes they both come and spend the whole time screaming at each other: really useful when you’re hiding in the shadows with a trigger-happy slig hovering nearby looking for something to kill. Oh, the joys of being saviour of the mudokon race! (Please, kill me now!)
"Then I get back to the village and have about 2000 idiot mudokons all trying to jump on me and get my autograph and nick one (or more) of my feathers all at once. Oh, joy!
"And, what with idiots getting me almost killed every minute at work and hoards of idiot mudokons all trying to crush me under there collective weight here, I started spending a whole lot more time around the bar at Alf’s!" I concluded
"Well-done, random-mudokon-who-was-dyed-blue-by-glukkons-so-they-could-trick-people-into-thinking-they’d-killed-Abe," Several of the other mudokons in the poorly lit room sniggered. The idiot standing in front of me went on to the rest of the group: "Remember people, the first step to solving your problems is admitting you have one. Now the second step, like this brave and totally random guy has just done, (he flashed me a massive grin) is to find your G factor: the thing that made you turn to alcohol in the first place. Step three is to find an answer to your problem." He turned back to me. "Now, random mudokon, for a start you could try talking to your friends who just happen to have the same names as the freedom-fighters," (Don’t say it) "And ask them to let you get on alone for a while."
"Oh yeah," I answered, my voice weighed down with sarcasm, "why didn’t I think of that? Oh, I did! 2 things man: 1, Munch never listens to anyone other than himself and 2, If you wanna go out there and tell a flippin SCRABARATOKEN THING THAT HE’S NOT WANTED, YOU BE MY GUEST!"
"Now random mudokon, don’t-"
"AND WOULD YOU STOP CALLING ME THAT? EVEN THAT BLIND GUY IN THE CORNER KNOWS WHO I AM!"
The blind guy looked up, confused, as I jumped out of my seat, and stormed out of the door into the bright sunlight outside the hut. And it was that exact second that the string that held up the big wooden "ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS" sign that hung above the door of the hut decided to snap, dropping the large wooden board down onto my head with a crunch.

Munch
Why did nobody tell me that Splat could swim? Did you all just happen to miss it out when telling me the list of the useful stuff he can do? I went for like, a year without knowing that Splat could swim! So when someone finally told me that Splat had webbed feet, I of course challenged him to a race across the lake where I kept the baby gabbits.
Splat had accepted so I got myself all pumped up to beat him and all the baby gabbits were lined up on one side of the lake to cheer me on and the Regurgitation Roomies were gathered on the other side to cheer for Splat and David, the mudokon who looked after the babies when I was off helping Abe save the world (and getting no appreciation what so ever) was ready to start the race and judge how much I beat Splat by when this idiot came running down from the village screaming that Abe was dead!
Well Abe wasn’t dead, just unconscious after having this big wooden "ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS" sign drop on his head (don’t have a clue what Abe was doing walking out of the AA hut though…). Well anyway, we postponed my victory and went up to Bigface’s "hospital hut" to see if Abe was all right. He wasn’t doing much… Just lying there… kinda boringly… Like an unconscious dude I guess…
So anyway, we were about to go back down to the lake when Bigface walked into the room and said it was better if someone (eg, me and Splat) were there to hear about which far-off corner of Mudos Abe was off to next when he came round. We asked why Bigface couldn’t sit there all day and he muttered something that none of us could hear and ran out of the room pretty quickly after that.
Still, at about 13 O’clock-midnight, Alf came in after shutting up his bar and said he’d wait with us. Next thing any of us knew, it was 7:30 in the morning and Bigface had come in to wake us up and tell Alf that he’d better go open the bar before the morning Alcoholics Anonymous meeting ended or else there might be a riot. Alf was about to leave when Abe shot up in bed and yelled the word: "Tea-cosy!" Which is 2 words I guess.
Then Alf turned around and asked, "Well? Where do the ghosts want you to go this time?"
Abe looked puzzled for a second and gave an answer that scared the hell out of us all: "Nowhere, nothing happened. No vision, no weirdos, nothing."
And the 5 of us in the room just stared in amazement and fear for several seconds till Alf said slowly, "I… I gotta go open… open the uh…" He turned around slowly… and started screaming like a girl.



Hope you guys like it (and hope you all laughed in the appropriate places: I tried to bump up the humor a bit for when Abe and Munch are around.) Expect a new chapter every Saturday as long as i have my posts!