[Jacob]

Boring games, O-M-G!! This past week has been an eternity of boringness of gamesage for me!!

First i got 'Dino Crisis 3' thinking "Oh, the first 2 were good...this should be okay as well!!" No. It wasn't. I'd rather lick a thorny Rose stem then play this again. The camera is crap and the Dino's are just silly. The FMV's are crap as well.

So, i traded that in and bought 'The Suffering' expecting something thooper!! No. Rubbish. The story, although interesting, was violently drowned in the blood the game felt it had to ooze. Basically 'Serious Sam' just with dialogue. Also, the blood on Torque strangely disappears into nothingness after a few seconds...intriguing. Personally i'd rather run my tongue along a 15 inch sandblaster...whilst it was on.

So, i then traded that in for 'Ninja Gaiden' thinking "It's got good reviews. THOOPERLICIOUS!!". No. Not thooperlicious. Boring. Hard. And boring. More boring and boringness and a bit more hardness. Now, don't get me wrong, i like hard games. Games that challenge you. But MY GOD, please challenge me whilst being non-linear. Something this game needs to give birth to...non-linearness!! So the graphics are gorgeous. So you can flip and run up walls et al. Big deal!! If i wanted to see hotness of graphics and flipping and linearness i'd watch a movie. This game was painful to play. Irritating and painful. I am immensely disappointed and would rather poke myself repeatedly in the pupil with my forefinger whilst shouting "I HATE STRAIGHT MEN, THEY'RE ALL F*CKING INGRATES WHO ALL WOULD RATHER F*CK ASS ANYWAY." in the middle of a football match.

So, tomorrow i am planning on getting 'Sphinx and the Cursed Mummy'. I want something fun. Not gorgeous. Not dark. Not gory. Fun. 'Beyond Good and Evil' is a perfect example of this. It's gorgeous, amusing and fun. You take pictures of things and run around. There's animals. There's no blood. There's no gory "headshots". There's just humour, happyness, talking Pigs and a green haired rock chick [rock chick-chicky rock]...

More reviews coming soon...