Self-mutilation and suicide ideas are 2 enormous red flags, Lindsay. You serious help. Killing yourself isn't going to do shit, you should deal with your problems because they aren't worth killing yourself over. I've been there(though not to the point of being suicidal) because I'm manic depressive and APD runs in my family.
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R.I.P. H.S.T.

I wanna have El Scrabino's man babies.
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