And now, for the first time on network television, the latest installment of:
DANTE'S ODDYSEE!
Presented to you commercial free by Scrab Cakes! Mmm, mm! They'll cost ya an arm and a leg!
Chapter 7
So I ran. I ran so far away. And I ran, I ran all night and day.
Well, not for that long. But there was not that much to do except run. And ignore the pain in my stump.
I was in a huge, dark, wet, stinky labyrinth. I hadn’t been running long when I heard a loud gunshot and crumbling linoleum. And whirring pants. And a weird sawing sound overhead … but whatever, I had to keep moving.
I turned randomly at every intersection—what use would it be to sit and play eeny-meeny-miney-moe? All I did, except run, was look out for poop and corners.
But no matter how fast I ran, all of the sligs kept up with me!
squish!
pop!
Yuck! Warm, sticky liquid coated my foot. I had to ignore it, because sligs were on my tail!
squeak!
splat! splat!
shuffle, shuffle
Wha?
I felt a sudden stab in my back. I thought briefly, “Ah! I’ve been shot!” Except I felt no blood on my back. And the shot felt almost like a sticky … wet … tongue ….
FLEECHES!
I better keep going!
Duh!
I ran and ran and ran … and
[VISION]
Meanwhile, Vladimir was monitoring all the … uh, monitors in the security room.
There were cameras in the sewers, of course. And traps. Never too careful, you know. And how lucky that it just passed inspection!
“Hey! Yarnis!” Vladimir’s voice cut through the air. He shifted his cigar from the left of his mouth to the right.
Yarnis clattered in. “Yes, boss?”
“Turn on the traps in the pipes. Get that f*ing mudokon killed! I want to eat that bastard for breakfast!”
Yarnis grinned a slig grin. “Yes sir, you got it!” And took off to find the lever.
[/VISION]
Oh, shit!
Good thing I didn’t stop running! The fleeches could hardly keep up with me.
click!
What the hell?
I saw meat grinders drop in from the ceiling. They were—
Oh, come on! Why does The Odd hate me?
Wait a minute … Maybe I could lure the fleeches through the grinders!
Why not?
I dropped to hand and knees again and toppled forward just before a grinder slammed down … and I fell over! No arm, of course.
shuffle, shuffle
Oh, balls! I was going to get eaten by fleeches!
But now that I think back, I am very grateful that fleeches like to get as close as possible to what they are about to eat. Because the dozen or so that were chasing me scattered onto the little grate just in time for … the grinder! Squishy! I welcomed the spray of green and brown meat across my face. But it was time for running, not for celebrating!
Up and running!
A light around the corner … what? Okay, go for it!
It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
There was an opening! It was the end of the tunnels! And guess what else! There was…
Fresh air.
Yum!
Oh, the smell and taste of fresh air was heavenly! It filled my lungs with fresh hope and it cleared my mind of worry.
But that wasn’t the best part.
Sticking out at me like a freaking pimple on the sky was something so beautiful, so awe-inspiring, so damn great that I cried.
There was a huge moon looking down at me. On it’s face was a large shape looked ridiculously like a mudokon hand. I tried to lift my right hand to match it, but my arm complained.
Oh, yeah. It wasn’t there anymore.
But that moon! It was almost like all my troubles were melting away, and there was nothing to worry about.
I heard a gunshot from far away.
The muscles in my back began to throb, and there was a stabbing pain. My vision blurred.
Warm liquid poured down the back. There was not much, as the arm had practically drained the body of it’s fluid.
The sound of laughter was heard at a distance.
The body of the mangled mudokon began to totter forward, and it fell.
As it spiraled toward the water, the sound of laughter and whirring machines filled the body’s failing senses.
When the body hit the water below, there was a dull and unimpressive splash.
Not three seconds later, eight raggedy birds struggled out of the water, feathers dripping wet, and fluttered off into the night.
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