[Jacob]

Dear Max,
Problem one...what exactly is it? If you want me to save you from the pit of dispair and agony please state the question clearly and responsibly. Problem two...DAMNIT, WHERE'S THE PROBLEM!? OR QUESTION...OR QUERIE!? *Tuts*

Dear un-named,
You have a fire hydrant? The first thing you have got to realise is that the fire hydrant is not YOURS. The fire hydrant is everybodies whom lives down your street. You should get a life and either prove to people your not a raging Homosexual who will inevitably be shunned by the great Lord and cast into the abyss with all the sinners or accept that you are a raging Homosexual and prance out of the closet throwing pansy's in the air...faggot. The whole turning into a Dog thing can be put down to two things, the great Lord punishing you for your faggot misdemeanours or you going insane. Either way, seek help from either a Priest or other Clergymen or a Shrink...

The word 'hero' springs to mind...oh yes...