OK now that I have a satillite link up with Ghand our reporter, who is investigating...something..but the last trans misstion we got was....this
*Turns TV set on and ghand is standing there on a stage*
I think I had indigestion for months.
BUT THEN IT HIT ME...
IT HIT ME LIKE SCHWANS FOOD HITTING THE GRIMY UNDERSIDE OF A PARKED MINIVAN IN A 7/11 PARKING LOT...
IT HIT ME LIKE A CINDER BLOCK TO THE FOREHEAD... IT HIT ME WITH SUCH FORCE THAT I PASSED OUT SEVERAL TIMES, ONLY TO HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT LIVING IN A WORLD WITHOUT SPORKS... A WORLD WHERE A PERSON HAD TO HAVE A REASON FOR ACTING ILLOGICAL! HAD TO HAVE A REASON FOR BEING INSANE!
*Large American flag drapes down in background as the national anthem begins to play.*
WELL LET ME TELL YOU, KIDS, THAT’S NO NATION OF MINE! I LIVE IN AMERICA! AMERICA HAS SPORKS AND POINTLESS INSANITY AND A POPULATION THAT’S 99% IDIOTS!
*Sparklers ignite; Pyrotechnics activate.*
YESSIR, I LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE! THE LAND WHERE WE CAN WEAR WOMENS’ CLOTHING IF WE WANT TO, BECAUSE DAGNABBIT, THAT’S JUST THE WAY I SWING! THE LAND WHERE WE CAN EAT NINETY-NINE CENT HAMBURGERS THAT ARE NINETY-NINE PERCENT GRISTLE AND GREASE AND NOT GET ARRESTED FOR LACK OF TASTE! THE LAND WHERE WE CAN BLAST LOUD POLKA, AND YOU KNOW WHAT, NOBODY CAN DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT! YESSIR! GOD BLESS AMERICA, KIDS! GOD BLESS AMERICA!
*A spark from a pyrotechnic effect lands on Ghand’s sleeve - He immediately bursts into flames.*
OH! LORDY!
*Everything goes black... Loud screams can be heard in the background, then stamping, loud cursing, thumping and rolling...*
*Set turns off*
Oh god that was disturbing...anyway that was Ghand at the childrens book fair. More at 11...
|