[FireFrog]

Okay. After careful research and a lot of apple juice, we imature little sh*ts have come to realise that the apocalypse is going to be very different to what we think...

Take a look:

THE APOCALYPSE

THE FIRST SIGN
As the apocalypse approaches, the earth shall turn to cheese, and all main lakes, ponds and water sources shall become raging rivers of sausages and shredded paper.

THE SECOND SIGN
All women shall grow thick hairs on their chests and men will awake to find they have no family jewels. Be warned, the children will become hideous alligators with a turkey-vulture like beaks.

THE THIRD SIGN
The last sign before the beginning of the apocalypse. All video game consoles and computers will mysteriously explode. For some reason, the blue ink in your pens will soon become red.

THE BEGINNING OF THE APOCALYPSE
The apocalypse will begin once the pope wears a woman’s dress and says to the world on SBS, “I like gerbils!” About two and a half minute after saying this, specially trained circus monkeys shall ride in upon flying turtles and hurl coconuts and a variety of potatoes at everybody’s head. This will continue for about two years in which around three million people will develop brain damage and die.

THE APOCALYPSE
The earth will begin to melt (being cheese) very slowly under the suns rays until everybody is forced to wade through the landscape. During this time, Michael Jackson and Bill Gates shall rule the world, bringing much technology and gayness to society. The circus monkeys will begin to smash open the heads of their flying turtles and roam the melted land. If they should encounter a human they shall pull on the chest hairs of the women and give the men a nipple cripple. All food will become inedible apart from jelly beans, pickles and spinach.

SATAN COMES
Satan comes to earth wearing a tartan kilt and decides to let all Satan worshipers come with him to hell, which is actually surprisingly comfortable as everybody gets their own arm chair that gives you a sensual massage and a wide screen T.V… those who did not worship Satan shall be given immortality so that they may stay on earth and suffer for all eternity!!


So you see, unless you worship Satan you don't get an arm chair that gives sensual massages. Think I'm wrong? Then tell us your theories. Want to flame me? Go ahead. Like I care. I'm just trying to help you all.

If you don't worship him then I shall laugh at u all when I'm watching the mating ritual of the african-mexican mongoose on my wide screen TV and you're all having your chest hairs pulled and nipples twisted!!