Oddworld: Actra's Rebellion
Read and enjoy.
Oddworld: Actra’s Rebellion: Part 1- Escape Prologue: The dawn of a new era rises for the Mudokon race. After the constant terrorist attacks from Abe and his new pal Munch, a few high-ranking officials of the Industrial world caved and thus deemed Mudokons unsafe for use as slave laborers. So the Mudokons are free. Liberated Muds across Mudos rejoice. But the story you are about to read does not directly involve Mudokon or Gabbit. The story is about another race’s plight with enslavement, and one girl’s journey to save them. You see, after the notorious Mullock the Glukkon was killed, a meeting was held to discuss his Will. Mullock had a friend, a very close friend named Judd. In his Will, Mullock left Judd the deed and rights to Rupture Farms, Mullock’s old Meat packaging plant. So Judd re-opened Rupture Farms. But the problem was to find replacement slaves to work, since Mudokons were too dangerous to use. Then rumor spread of a mysterious race known as the Noctero. These bat-like creatures lived in impressive aerial temples on a neighboring continent in a country known as Nocterolis. So Judd had some hired muscles go to Nocterolis and capture as many Noctero as five ships could carry. There, problem solved. Thirty years went by and Noctero were still being held at New Rupture Farms. After about half thoes years went by, a baby Noctero was born. She had a certain fire to her, a restless spirit and a relentless attitude. She was named Actreros, which meant “Fighter” in the Nocterian ancient dialect. Fifteen years went by in a flash. Actra (which was her nickname) was now a teenager and her outlook on life was as it always was: Flawed, yet fixable. She had always known that slavery was a horrible way of life, but until one fateful day she remained silent. Until one fateful day. |
Keep it up!
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Nice beginning! I like it especially how you mention your own idea what other continents are like. I myself have a good reputation in that area. Keep up the good work!
Paramiteabe...:fuzblink: |
If you notice, Actra is the character from my comic.
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THat sounds really cool. but can i make a sugestion? Can you either change, shorten, add spaces, or add some
to your signiture? (as in press return so it takes up about 9 lines instead of 3) I think then your writng will come back in to line with everyone elses. Itll make it look longer and make it easier to read. and it might encorage more people to have a look. |
Chapter 1, part one: The Last Straw.
Chapter 1, part one
The Last Straw Actra wiped the sweat from her huge, twitching ears. The only place a Noctero actually sweat was in their ear, so of course it smelled awful after a few hours. Menial labor became harder and harder as she clambered into her teen years, but such was the life of a slave. Ever since Rupture Farms re-opened and became New Rupture Farms, the Noctero have been kidnapped from the continent of Astoria and used as slaves. Actra had been lucky. She was born in captivity, which was strange to think about unless you knew she was a slave. At sixteen, Actra was quite well built for working all day. Her head had a strange, somewhat familiar smile and big, expressive eyes. Her ears were no bigger than any other Noctero, and her hair, though messy and unkempt, was the route to envy in her friends. Her body was delicate, yet strong. It had to be to support her huge wings, which stretched off of her arm. Her hands were made up of two fingers, the index and thumb, and were extremely dexterous. Her feet rested on the bottom of two long, limber legs, and each foot had a “thumb” to grasp prey while in mid-flight. But since the Noctero’s days of scouring the air was put to a halt, all thoes thumbs were good for was to pick up a fallen tool. The last task of the day was to give meat on a conveyer belt a last check before it went into packaging. But today’s project would be interrupted. “AURRRGGGHH!!!” A cry of pain emanated from down the hallway. Actra jumped in fright. She decided to take a peek at the source of the noise. Actra peered around the hall. A patrolling Slig was beating down a friend of hers, named Octavos. The Slig had one weapon, a brass club that he patted his right hand with. The Slig was bored and had saw an opportunity to quell his boredom. Octavos struggled to get on his hands and knees, though his body trembled from the forceful blow to his back. The Slig spoke in a deep, raspy growl. “I’m sorry,” the Slig hissed, “I didn’t quite catch that. What did you say…?” Octavos sputtered and coughed up a bit of blood. “P-please, sir,” he stuttered, “I-I just wanted to ask f-for s-some water.” “Yeah.” the Slig raised his club, “That’s what I thought, yous little whelp.” With another forceful blow, the Slig struck Octavos in the chest. Octavos coughed in pain and flew back. The beatings continued, and as Actra watched, the more sickened she became. This wasn’t right! This wasn’t right at all! No creature should be treated like this! Then Actra felt her fist tighten. Her teeth grit and she bore her fangs. Then she did something no one ever thought was possible. She stepped out from behind the corner of the hallway. “LEAVE HIM ALONE!” she yelled. What do you think? Please crit. |
Cool!:)
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I agree, very cool. Its wierd how a strong beating from slig to slave always makes a story more interesting. And a bit of rebelion is good to! Do you read through your stories before you write them cos i noticed that there was hardly any mistakes in there. I say again, cool.
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Part 2: Escape
Oddworld: Actra’s rebellion
Part 2: Escape. “Leave him ALONE!” The Slig turned around, surprised that he’d get any reaction besides more fear and cowardice. His puny eyes narrowed, though you couldn’t see it through his mask. His temperature flared. “What’d you say, punk?” He said as he advanced upon her slowly. Actra had felt a new sense of responsibility, and apparently that came with a burning anger, so she decided to use this to her advantage. “You heard me, Boogerface,” Actra growled; snatching the club from the ignorant, green slug. “Leave him alone, or you’ll be so, sooo sorry.” The Slig just chuckled, apparently still unaware that he was without his weapon. “Heh, and what are you gonna do, Twinkle toes?” He snorted. “Pinch me to death?” Actra pulled her arm back. “Don’t blink.” And with a force that seemed to be guided by the great Shrykull himself, Actra rammed the Slig right out of his mechanical legs. He was sent blindly sprawling back, and was only stopped by a small rail over a huge drop onto a conveyer belt. Actra snarled. Then she drew her arm down to her own level, and just stared at her two-fingered hand. She realized that she wasn’t just fighting for her people. She was fighting for all creatures that have been plagued by Glukkons. The Glukkons needed to be stopped. They needed to be stopped immediately. Actra was pretty proud of herself, but in her pride, she forgot one important detail: The hallway the Slig was rammed back to had an alarm button on the wall. And as luck would have it, the alarm sounded. And that was it. She was a criminal. The alarms whirred and lights flashed. Actra could see her own picture appear on a screen with the word WANTED in bold, red letters across the bottom. She could hear the clatter of reinforcements running down the metallic hallway, a few were making “Gonk” noises produced by their masks. “FREEZE,” a Slig in bright red detailing hollered. Actra was surrounded. Then a ray of light, faint yet promising, gave her an idea. Actra spread her wings out and flapped them slowly just parallel to the ground, causing her to take lift. She balanced herself in midair and took off in just a few beats of her wings. The Sligs, though tenacious in their firing, were terrible shots and missed horribly. Soon, Actra made her way to the ray of light (an air vent) and flew for her life. She knew exactly who to go to in a time like this. Abe and Munch. Want more? Well, Too bad! That's right, you heard me. You guys will have to wait until the comic is finished. This was just chapter one. I also wanted to know why nobody but Splat or Ghost replies to my posts? Could other people please at least answer? EDIT-I also wanted to thank PARAMITEABE for his reply. |
I only just read this and I found that it's very good. Please write more soon. :fuzsmile:
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Another great chapter! Yours is a problem experienced by all newer members. But don't worry, you'll get more replies as your story developes.
One question though, How does Actra know about Abe and Munch? |
Splat, that's a great question. It's also a very complicated one to explain.
Actra has a poster reading: "Abe and Munch, Mercenaries for a cause". What she doesn't know is that it was a prank done by hired Sligs to recruit hopeful Mudokons and ultimately inslave more of them. That was a long time ago. Nobody remembers that it was a con and Abe and Munch are really living in a Mudokon village in the outskirts of Paramonia. Actra doesn't know this and goes off searching. But somehow she gets Abe and Munch to help her. |
Ah!
So when can we expect a new chapter? |
AAAAURGGGHHH!!!!
NO!!! Posted by me: :
It's like a preview. |
I find nothing too bad in that story/preview/fic. Except one thing...
I find it most unlikely that the glukkons would allow anyone to teach her how to fly. Or maybe they're born with the knowlegde? Oh, just confusion all the time, so when does the comic arrive here? |
I'm working on inking it as soon as I can. The first chapter of the comic will jump in right where the story left off. There will be new characters, some returning stars, and of course Abe and Munch will play a big part.
I hope to get chapter 1 (2?) finished by the end of this month. I can't make any promises. |
So as soon as the comic is finished? In a days? Thats all i was askin, no need to get so stressed! I'll be waitin!
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Try maybe 2 months. I'm still Inkin' (It's a LOOOONNNGGG chapter) and then I have to send it to Dark_Xintos for coloring.
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I meant to say a few days. But a couple of months?! Aw man! Well, I guess I'll just sit here waitin. (a couple of hours later) Ah, nuts to this, I'm gonna go work on my own stories, good luck on the comics and i'll see ya in a couple of months.
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All right, y'know what?
I'm gonna write the story and have a few pictures until the comic can at least be scanned. Chapter 3: Alf Actra had been flying all day long and she was about as tired as she could get. Her wings held her up just fine, the problem was trying to stay aloft. With two great "Fwooms" of her wings, she set herself down in the middle of a dense jungle with a cloud of dust. The place was strange and wonderful at the same time. Actra had never been outside the factory, so seeing the outside world was a blessing. Not to mention thick. The branches got in her clothing, making it far more than uncumfortable to walk. Suddenly, Actra saw the strangest plant. It had a funnel-shaped bulb in front with a tube-like stalk. "Awww," she cooed, "what a cute flower." Actra began to sniff it. The "plant" jerked back. Actra did the same, cocking her head. The plant looked surprised at Actra's sudden motion. It sucked in its bulb, and in a puff of yellow dust, sprayed Actra and covered her with spores. Actra sneezed and shot the flower an angry look. This was her first time outside, and already she's covered in... ...Covered in... "Oohhh..." Actra's eyes rolled back and -THUMP- she fell to the ground. The scenery seemed to engulf her as she drifted off into La-La Land. As she closed her eyes, she could see two faint, green shapes in the distance. "Hey, over here," one shape called. "I think I've found something!" To be Continued... |
So thats what Actea looks like? Cool! Nice chapter, to.
Good luck with the comic. |