The Ninja Girlocalypse
 

Sandra awoke in the hallway, her head aching. She didn't know who she was, where she came from, how she knew all these things she did. Basically a Saturday night aftermath. She a crazy bitch.

She stood up, a little like a startled deer. Think David Attenborough with animals and shit. Suddenly a man walked into focus, taking her by surprise.

"Oh!" They both said simultaneously.

Suddenly, the door behind him blew off its hinges and he dived on top of her. To protect her, obviously. Sicko. Think he was looking for free perks? Maybe in your twisted world. Don't look at me I just write this shit, you read it man. God damn.

Ninjas ran into the room. Ran all over them. They were all over the place, seriously, like fuckin on the walls and shit bitch fuck me everywhere

"PUT YO MOTHER. FUCKIN. HANDS UP, BRETHREN!" One shouted like Samuel L. Jackson.

The man was still lying on top of the woman. Pay attention, this isn't your bedtime filth. That comes later. After this.

"What do you want from us?" Strained the damsel in distress, muffled under about 100lbs of pelvis.

"SILENCE" One of them said like that one clown off The Simpsons. Side Show Mel, is it? I can't remember. You know the one I mean. Well, it sounded like that dude from that one episode. We all got it? Ok good.

"We're here to take you to our leader- AWWW, YEAA!!" Another chimed in and they all started handing him money.

"Sorry, we laid a wager a few days back on who'd be the first to say that. Now you go sleepies!" Said one of those sneaky fuckers. I dunno they were too quick before they chloroformed me. I mean them. Ahem. Almost.

Anyway I guess that's chapter one.

A touching allegory if I ever saw one. Gave me a good, cathartic weep.

Forget I, Claudius; I want more Ninja Girlocalypse.

I liked it.

<3

Thanks guys I wrote this from the heart bro the heart

They were taken deep under ground. DEEP. Caverns with old-ass monks in robes singing Ring My Bell by Sister Sledge, but real slow. They were beat-boppin the schmoove doo-wop version.

The leader of the ninjas was sat chongin on a fat fucking chonger and drinking straight cherry vodka as it trickled from a hot virgins nipples. As you do.

"We got that dickweed and hot-legs, cap." Said a ninja to the leader while playing on his phone. Clash Of Clans or Angry Birds. Dunno how he got a good mobile reception from down in them DEEP caverns. I wonder if they have their own Wi-Fi setup. I might enquire. Who the fuck wrote this piece of shit? Where exactly are these guys situated? Why is one wandering around on his phone? How fucking good must his signal be? And why are they all, like, stoners and shit? Can I leech their internet? Oh shit that would be sweet!

Anyway, I need answers. Answers to questions I just made up. I'll be back when I'm a bit more wrecked goodbye

Cya.

I wish I had a fat fucking chonger right now.